Last night was not a good one. Never ended up at Music on Main because none of the kids wanted to go. You know me, I refused to ask DH if he still wanted to go. Needless to say I was VERY disappointed.

So DH comes over after being at the Y. He tells me he has created a My Space account to keep watch over 13yo. I swear I said it in the nicest way.... "I'm not comfortable with that. I don't think that's appropriate" He told me if I thought he was out there looking, if I thought something was going on or he had other intentions, I was wrong. Then he walked away. He was pretty mad. I'm noticing a pattern. If something I do makes him uncomfortable he is REALLY quick to leave!!! WTH? Must be nice. I had to go to the bathroom to pull myself together and he told DS to give me the link to his (DH's) page. I looked at it and it said "married". On another site where I play games, I put my marital status as "married ~ separated" so I took that as a positive and it also has a picture of him and 13yo DS fishing.

Then I started doing dishes... cleaning up after the boys. I was loading dishwasher and noticed a cookie sheet I had asked 16yo to clean up had baked on pizza crust (which will NOT come off in our dishwasher). I yelled for him to come down. At this point, DH CANNOT move out of here fast enough. I throw the cookie sheet into the other section of the sink and tell J it is NOT clean, he needs to scrub it off. DH comes over, gives me a quick peck on the cheek and is G.O.N.E. So I finish loading the dishwasher,and slam it shut.

By this time I'm in tears... feeling sorry for myself. Dates are important to me. Two years ago, the day before our anniversary, DH takes OW to a hotel (really nice one, too \:\( ). He took her flowers the next morning (our anniversary) and to a really nice restaurant for lunch on the same day. He left May 5 this year... so it's now been a month... tomorrow will be 5 weeks. AND yesterday was June 7... that's when we got together 22 years ago. It was "our" day. So when he wanted to meet later at Music on Main, I was hopeful. Well, I wouldn't go alone. I just couldn't. To strengthen my position, the news last night was talking about recent attacks down there... the last one last Thursday. So I was really bummin' over the plans that fell through and how he left which led me to really think about my actions and how I can see he'd say I'll never change... getting angry over something small like the dishes not being done correctly. Then I got mad at him supposedly being mad and back to feeling sorry for myself cuz again, *I* have to do everything. Oh and our checking was under $100 yesterday. I'm the one who does the budget. Haven't been obviously. I haven't worked at my night job since this happened. I quit the scrapbook store, so there is no money coming in from me. Oh and we're WAY over on our minutes on our cells... and we just paid an inflated $400 one!!! (He transferred money to our checking.) I had been on a LOA from my night job, but I'm back on the schedule starting next week, so at least I'll start bringing in a little bit. I'm having a hard time finding a f/t job, but I'll keep looking.

So yeah, I had a little pity party for myself. This was probably before 8, because I took a "chill pill" (I think I'll call it that) and came back downstairs to watch TV. I haven't slept well the past 2 nights, so I was hoping that would help.

I'm watching TV and I get a text from DH that says if I want to talk, to call him after 9 (remember, we're out of our minutes, although I thought we had free mobile to mobile, but whatever). I didn't know what to do. Do I call? I go back and forth... D, he's reaching out to you... accept it. No, I don't want him to see me weak... show him you don't need him.

Didn't matter because like 2 mins to 9, HE calls and is on his way because there are problems at work and he needs to remote in. He does not have internet access at his place.

We did not discuss what happened earlier and by 10:30, I was BEAT, so I said "I'm going to bed". I kissed him and got stone lips (yeah, I think I'll call it that). I finished cleaning the kitchen and gave him another 2 kisses and the 2nd one was much better. Then I went up stairs and crashed. I swear I don't even think I moved until I woke up at 5!! Of course my dreams were filled with nightmares about him leaving and finding someone else.

And yeah, I'll admit I was disappointed he didn't just spend the night. I have no idea what time he left. I woke up this morning with every light on in the house. But I was proud of myself for not asking him to spend the night... LOL!!

I guess I shouldn't tell you that he brought a basket of clothes over yesterday and of course, they were all done and folded before he left last night. He made a "one day service comment", but I didn't hear a thank you. Now I'm doing his laundry and will continue to for a couple of reasons. But actually doing his laundry (and so quickly) is a 180 of sorts. One of his complaints was during my depression, the laundry would get WAY out of control...we're talking pretty darn tall. He said he would try to encourage me to do the laundry by doing it himself and it never worked. So... anyway. The other reason will sound too crazy so I'll save that for now... LOL!!

Tonight's that party. I'm not really excited to go, but what the heck. Now it's only women, but how do I dress? See... I had an outfit picked out for last night, but didn't get to wear it. It's just a denim skort, but the top was black and low cut. It's a shirt I know he likes. So do I wear it tonight or do I wait and wear it on our next date night... whenever that will be.

I think I'm gonna go back to bed now... lol...

Hopefully I can get some more rest, get up and go to the Y before he gets here.