I don't think there is anyone on this board that doesn't have a snooping problem.
Trust me, once you stop reading her emails, you will feel a whole much better, and your attitude will change (and W will notice). It may take a while for our W's too let go of the OM (if at all), so there is no point in worrying about it in the short term, just worry about yourself and make yourself a better proposition than him.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Husband, I think you are doing a great job. Staying away from the snooping although very hard does make life easier for you. The gifts are great ideas. Keep up the great PMA and send your vibes our way. The camping trip will be wonderful for you and your son. Enjoy him they grow up way too soon!
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Just a little reminder here.... I hope when your wife is doing things like taking out the recycling or being patient about something that would have made her angry and mean in the past you are saying or doing something nice to help reinforce that behavior. Even going a little overboard on compliments and a friendly hug in response to her positive behavior is okay. Look at it from a psychological standpoint; You want to reinforce good behavior.
I'm really proud of you. You are a great dad, wonderful husband and a good person.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yes I am thanking her. We are not at the hugging stage yet. I don't know if you caught it but I asked my W if the night before We leave if I got a sitter if she wanted to go to this neat little pizza / bar place (I found while GAL) for about an hour. I don't remember her exact words but it was something in the line of wanting to go after my son and I get back so we could have more than an hour. Now this is not her exact words but this is the impression I got when she answered me. I am hoping after this week with the gifts. Maybe the weekend after we will be having our second "date" It’s just a little pizza place I found. What I will do is see if I could get a sitter for over night let my wife know that I got an overnight sitter but not to worry I'm not planning on sleeping together. After pizza and a few drinks I am going to see if she wants to go across the street to a club that has dancing. (Something we have not done in YEARS). If she says yes. Great. (I can't wait for our first slow dance in 10 years.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sounds good husband. I would advise you against the overnight babysitter. I might try to get one that would stay a little late, but not overnight.
I made this mistake early on when i felt things were going good. I had a free hotel room all set up and everything. All it reminded my wife was that she wasn't ready for that and wasn't feeling the same thing for me.
What I will do is ask her before if I should see if my son wants to stay with my sister and her boys. I will reinforce that I am not planning on "sleeping together". but that way we won't have a time limit.If she says yes ok if not that's fine to. I truly am not planning on sleeping with her. just a couple of hugs on the dance floor would be nice.Of course this is 2 weeks away. anything could change good or bad.
Husband
baby steps baby steps.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Don’t be mad at me. I really didn’t snoop. Honest!! I walked into our bed room (we take turns sleeping in it). And I saw this flash of pink tucked on top to the side of My W night stand. I looked and it was the letter I sent her after our first date. You know the one I checked the trash for?
Remember it just said:
XXXXX I had a great time last Saturday night. I can’t wait to do it again. I really enjoyed talking with ya about your younger days playing pool with your mom. I realize your pool playing was a little rusty but you did a great job distracting me with your beautiful smile. I realize this was our first date but I can see how easy it would be to fall in love with you. I hope we have a second date soon. If you ever need someone to talk to give me a call my number is 1-707-xxx-xxxx
thinking about you XXXXX
She kept it. !!
I didn’t go looking for ANYTHING. Honest
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Funny enough, my W has kept all her letters that I wrote back in Feb/March. Hearfelt letters of our life, and pointing out my wrongs, and letting her know that the future would be so more different.
These letters were before I started reading DBing. Although, when I did ask her if these letters bothered her at the time, she said no.
Who knows why they do the things they do........
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
>>I will reinforce that I am not planning on "sleeping together".<<
Husband, Make sure you point out that it's not because you wouldn't want to, because to you she's the most attractive woman on earth (almost any woman would love hearing that!!!). Say you care deeply about her feelings and would never want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable.
Andy, It could mean nothing... but I think it's a good sign when they keep old letters. It indicates at least some sentimentality and maybe some possible doubt. When they throw out sentimental things, that's not so good. When my husband moved out he left his wedding ring and some of the things I gave him. This wasn't a good sign!!! But... in packing up some boxes for him, I put in a few wedding photos, old cards I gave him... little reminders. I also transerred some old family videos and gave them to him as a gift!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks Root I like your suggestion. I wrote another “thank you note” that I am going to mail today.
It says:
XXXX Thanks for the great time last weekend. I don’t think I laughed so hard in a long time. Sorry the room was only a 2 star. I’m new to this reservation thing. You always did a great job of it. But I am learning. Thanks to not giving me a bad time about the room. Just you being there was enough for me. Just to let ya know this does not count as a second date. This was a great family weekend outing. . Hopefully when AXXXXX and I get back next week we can have our official “second date”
You are always on my mind XXXXXXX
What do you think about mailing her a request for a second date? Something like:
XXXX Still thinking about the fun time I had playing pool with you. I was wondering what are the chances of us going out for a pizza and maybe a little dancing next Saturday. I could ask my sister if XXXXXXX can stay the night with the boys so we won’t have a time limit that we need to be home. Trust me XXXX I have no intentions of us sleeping together this night. Not that I would not want to because to you are the most attractive woman on earth to me. But I care deeply about your feelings and would never want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. It’s just that I had so much fun time flew by when we were playing pool and before I knew it was time to go home. Waiting for your reply in pins and needles
Your best friend
XXXXXXX
What do ya think
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
