In 13 days S4 and I will be picking up H at the airport. This time he's going to be stationed a few hundred miles away, instead of at the far end of the continent. It's hard to believe. And yet the closer the time comes, the harder it is to wait. For some reason I'm getting just desperately lonely at night. I haven't been like that for a long, long time.
I've become so numb to my situation over the past 3 years. Anytime anyone gets an inkling of my situation they give me the standard, "I could never do what you do," or "I can't even imagine." But for some reason I still think that sticking it out beats the alternative of filing for a D I never wanted and risking financial security and all those other unknowns.
I can't even say for certain that we're on the road to piecing our M together again. H seems to be hanging on to some deal breakers, like the complete lack of enthusiasm for living together again. But H speaks to his emotions of the moment and his words are rarely carved in stone. Hard to say what he really wants. Maybe he still doesn't know. But I'm running out of patience.
At any rate...it occurred to me today that I should start thinking about some DB tactics for H's visit. What little DBing I've been able to do in the past worked well. We'll be together for about a week and a half before he has to return to his previous unit to retrieve his things and make the monumental cross country trip to his new unit. It's kind of crazy. But once he gets to his new unit, we should have the opportunity to see each other a couple weekends a month. Hopefully that will give us the time to ease back into the idea of being together again or the chance to sort out if H doesn't want to live together again and it's time to move on with my life.
Here's my first crack at a list of DB actions to take when he gets here:
-Greet H with open enthusiasm and no regard for PDA at the airport. (This is not my style because I'm worried that H will not return my enthusiasm-so it's a good 180. Nothing to lose.)
-Give H lots of sincere compliments. One a day.
-Have wild and crazy sex with H. Well, take one more step away from my inhibitions (which have been on the decline the past couple years)
-Ask H's opinion on stuff
-Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate every little thing H does while I'm with him (he always does a lot of stuff, I just didn't used to acknowledge it much)
At this point, I think I'll leave any R, future talk until after he gets to his new unit and I see him on a weekend.
