NikkiB #16

[NikB]

Sorry OT I realized later that was vague. Yes, I told him. (more in a moment)

Yes, fear of his own mortality and the pain of life in general. It's what he was running from. I just wish it weren't happening at all and certainly wish he wasn't having to face something like this with me SO soon after getting home.

I am also not dealing with it very well myself at the moment. I'm trying not to blow it out of proportion, but I'm realizing it's more serious than Dad let on at first. It's not "angiogram then either angioplasty or I'm fine" it's "angiogram, then either angioplasty or a bypass depending on what we find." I'm really scared but all I can do right now is hope. Won't know anything and I can't go see him for at least another hour.

As for H, I called to tell him and I did apologize for not telling him sooner. I didn't phrase it exactly like I probably should have, but I told him what was going on then said "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was scared to tell you because before you said that my dad scares you and I didn't want..." and H kind of stopped me there and said "That's not it at all." I'm not entirely sure what that meant but it was in a reassuring tone. I apologized one more time and then we turned the focus back to my dad. He kept telling me my dad would be OK and "Take care of yourself ok?" Thought the second part was a kind of strange response, but then I never know what to say to people when something like this is going on either.