CF- You are putting way too much pressure on your wife. Please, I was there, did it and it just did not work. Just so you know, I went dark between Nov.-Dec., no change in attitude, started counseling with DB coaches and started dialog in mid-Dec. Then, when my wife's health started deteriorating, I started putting pressure (I realize that now).She announced to me that she was going ahead with the divorce, pulled up a separation plan (did not make it legal) and made arrangements to separate finances etc. - all the while I was asking, why do you want to do all this right now, can't we just wait? The response was - I can't have this hanging over my head (made me feel real good that I was such a burden). I did a massive backslide then talking to her cousin which basically led to her getting royally ticked off (your comments about W's friends are right on - you just have to learn to ignore what might be happening there). It was probably only then that I DB'd a 100% and learnt how to detach lovingly (very hard), but cut out all R talk etc. - the way I saw it, everything I'd tried just did not work and it was time to try some thing else. Along came spring break in the end of March and she relented and said, maybe I won't file for D right now, April - it was like, start coming back home every week and May was the first time I even touched her in 8 months. Come June, she decides to move down, but in between I agreed to sell our current house (because it reminded her of us), look for other houses for her and the kids etc. The reason I am writing all this is to let you know - you just need to quit all R talk, it is unfair, but you keep bringing it up to your W, you're just prolonging the process and negating all the other good you are doing. Detach, Detach and detach - no pressures whatsoever. Your W has a lot of feelings for you and she will come around - she will do it on her own timeframe and of her own will (which makes it doubly sweet) and your patience will be tested. But right now, you are taking 2 steps forward and 2 back and essentially standing still - time to change that. Good luck to you..
