Wife gone...Is there hope

[Just_Me]

Nomopo,

I think your advice was excellent and probably all he needed. I'll quote this from above as a good part of my advice as well...

Of course there is hope. Hope you can discover the life-changes you need to make for you, not for her and not with the idea she will "see the light" and come running back.

This time is about you, time for you to discover and rediscover yourself and life.

This is an impossible situation and many people will offer all kinds of conflicting advice, but honestly have no idea what you are going through.

Also, understand she is not going to be making any moves toward you or the R; there is something else drawing her and she is going to reflect you and the marriage in the worst light possible.

Also understand (and this is the impossible part), this has nothing to do with you. These were decisions a long time coming without you.

Do not chase or pursue, unless you want to guarantee the results.

Turn all the anger and sadness and bitterness and disappoinment inside and focus on you because you are the only one you have control.

A lot of problem were listed and it's very good to look inward and try to make changes. Understand, these changes are for you, to make you a better person and more capable of dealing with a relationship, not necessarily one with your wife. You can practice whatever you learn about yourself on friends and family members. And it sounds like you need this time apart to take control of your own life, realizing that you absolutely DO NOT NEED this woman as a crutch or to give your life meaning. You can have a complete life all your own....and shouldn't settle for less than someone that enhances an already complete life.

Unfortunately I have to say that there is no way to create more contact. I'm reasonably sure that this new love interest will preclude any meaningful contact anyway. So, use this period of no contact to work on yourself. The R, if there is one, with this other guy will fizzle and die eventually. If she runs back at that point, you can decide whether you want her. Yes, you have a choice. She isn't the only one that can decide that the R is over. You need to move on without her....grow without her.

Me