I give, I'm not going to argue with you, I don't stand a chance!
Love,
COG
Where's Cobra when I need him? That seems like an obvious deflection to me COG. I'm not buying it and you shouldn't be selling it. If you disagree, then fine. But to then ignore that fact and wrap it in a cute line with grin is an easy way out I say. I bet you do this with your W too. It may make you feel better/calmer but it's not honest. My H used to do that too, so I know of which I speak. LFL
The problem with COG is that he's naive. Or at least he acts as though he is. People can act in bad, manipulative, selfish ways, and the best way to predict what it'll be is to look at the patterns. I'm all for trusting/giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who has an established pattern of good behaviour, but Heywyre's h most certainly does not. Yes, he can establish a new pattern, but right now, I'd trust him as far as I can throw him, and am, through the Heywyre-lens, watching him like a hawk.
Don't throw around pretty words where there are no pretty actions.
I'm very much looking forward to Heywyre's report of the ST.
I wouldn't be surprised if he attempted some lame version of the homework later today That is what I had in mind, even last week.
I suspect Mr. HW has a lot of internal thoughts that he does carry through on his promises, so will attempt to do the homework.
but I am not holding my breath in that regard.. The way I look at the situation, don't you play the dutiful parent role and let him play the how-does-he-get-out-of-this-kid, role.
I agree with LFL on the accountability vs. not pushing too hard. Trouble is I don't push when I should sometimes.
Go ahead and attack me, I'm here for Heywyre and I hope my input helps her in some small way. I don't claim to be perfect, never have, quite the opposite actually. I know MY weaknesses.
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
You feel attacked? Sorry, didn't mean to come off so harsh. But I still say that if I give an honest opinion, and you disagree with it, why act like "all's well" to begin with? Hence, the grin comment. THAT was obviously not honest. Now you are even more annoyed. I'm just saying that may be playing out in your M as well. LFL
I obviously see this sitch very differently than most of you all, and I obviously have the balls to speak honestly. Otherwise you'd just be getting lip service.
I'm going to try and clarify the fundamental difference in our approaches:
Yours: H can not be trusted, he should be pushed, and made accountable.
Mine: What H does is between him and God, and someday we'll all be made accountable. The big question is, can Heywyre love him the way he is, unconditionally, as Jesus loves us.
Call me naive, call me stupid, call me whatever you want. But you'll never shake my confidence and faith in what miracles come to those who wait, to those who love like Jesus loves.
Do you want a trained animal who'll jump and sit at your command, or a human being that really loves you in return. Two different outcomes requiring two different approaches. Just keep your minds open.
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
The big question is, can Heywyre love him the way he is, unconditionally, as Jesus loves us.
And the way to do that is to accept infidelities, bad behaviour, lies, evasions, etc, and reward them with compliments and absolute trust. Do I have that right? *interested look*
Do you want a trained animal who'll jump and sit at your command, or a human being that really loves you in return. Two different outcomes requiring two different approaches.
Do you want a dog that will hump anything and then come and sit by your side or a human being that will love and RESPECT you and be honest with you?
I can support Heywyre's decision to want to stay married and continue to love her H. I cannot support her ignoring the facts that her H has cheated and lied without taking accountability for his actions and without being straight forward in preventing it from happening again.
Nobody is judging Heywyre's H. They are concerned that Heywyre's H will allow himself to be in the same place where he would cheat on her AGAIN.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
