AN wrote:"Also, her non-participation issue was something that has recently developed (maybe 8 months or so). The first 6 months she was a wild thing and very active, assertive, aggressive, willing, playfull, etc... "
Until she got what she wanted, then she reverted. Don't you wonder if it wasn't the same in other relationships?
What GEL alluded to in the laying there/swinging connection is that she appears to be more accustomed to being pleased as opposed to a more equitable participation style.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I think you express yourself very well, GEL. In fact, I admire that you still take time to debate hard worn issues such as transparency and snooping, and do it with patience. That's more than I can do.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Nops, I unerstood Gels comment about a more equitable participation style. My comment was that she was not like this the first 6 months so I really need to see what the future has in store for me.
Gel, I flat out told her a few weeks ago "That if I ever have to deal with this Intimacy thing again, then it is OVER!." She did not comment. She knew I had enough.
She made the comment the other day that I have all the control in this relationship right now. I thouth the comment was a little scary about her mind set and I have wondered if control is all she is after.
My comment was that she was not like this the first 6 months so I really need to see what the future has in store for me.
Of course she wasn't like this in the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship (the, that's when people are busy trying to impress each other, and/or their hormones are doing their thinking for them. That's a fairly typical thing to have happen in the early stages of a relationship (both people really being into each other sexually), it's when things calm down that you see what she's REALLY like. Which is when she began doing the things you have a problem with NOW. Fact is...you have already seen what the future has in store for you. You are now waiting for a tiger to change it's stripes.
This is an exerpt I took off of the family enrichment institutes web page that explains what the Honeymoon phase is and it's "standard" duration...look familiar? Here's the link...
Quote:
Some people enjoy the rush of the “honeymoon phase.” This is the period in the relationship when you are getting to know each other and each of you is making the effort to hide your warts while presenting your best side. This behavior is sustainable on average for as much as six months. This is an important phase because it demonstrates that your significant other is capable of unselfishness and an understanding of what it takes to please you. The danger is that one can be tempted to make a long-term commitment in this phase. The problem is you are making a commitment to an unsustainable illusion!
My fiancé has been treating me pretty good in the sex area but not as passionate as I would like. It is a fair statement to say things have improved. We have been together about 1 to 2 times per week and she does not initiate these events. I will need to cut her a little slack due to her monthly time.
When I say passionate I probably mean quantity or her lack of initating rather than the actual act. However, there are definite things that I would complain about…She has yet to do oral on me but I have on her every time. This was never a problem the first six months (going down the road, etc…). What the heck is up with this! Why is she so vanilla these days. On one hand I want to ask ‘Why in the hell don’t you give me he@d?, like you used too? Why do you just lay there?”
I initiated the sex with her even though I was counseled by Green not do this. I think she would be receptive to everyday if I pushed it. But that would seem to me that she was doing this just to pacify me. I may just do this to see her response. She does seem happier that we are getting along better.
I have not brought up any relationship talk or ‘Lack of Sex’. She is affectionate and trying to do better. I can tell she is trying.
On the plus side, she treats me like gold. She does not talk about her financial issues anymore. Every time she has brought it up I would respond with ‘How is the job hunting going”. The other day I even stopped bye after a workout and picked up an application from an employment agency.
I am NOT sold on the marriage thing at this stage! She knows that this is a deal breaker for me. I don't care and will not apologize.
When I say passionate I probably mean quantity or her lack of initating rather than the actual act. However, there are definite things that I would complain about…She has yet to do oral on me but I have on her every time. This was never a problem the first six months (going down the road, etc…). What the heck is up with this! Why is she so vanilla these days. On one hand I want to ask ‘Why in the hell don’t you give me he@d?, like you used too? Why do you just lay there?”
Did you read my quote above regarding the honeymoon phase of a relationship? That explains this whole scenario.
Yes, I read your post. But that does not mean I have to like it.
I don't want someone who services me. I want a willing, passionate partner! Should I tell her that she is not meeting my expectations even though we are making progress? I want to keep the ball going....
Do NOT marry this woman. Every problem you have now will be ten times worse AFTER marriage. Her true colors are shining through right now, and they pretty much suck. Marriage does NOT make women better, they only get WORSE. I would think that you won't know for at least a couple more YEARS if she can truly fix her issues. The LAST thing you want is to get in the same boat the rest of us are in, and be in a SSM for 15 - 30 years or more.
