NikkiB #16

[NikB]

OT and ST - thanks... I see where you're coming from.

I hope I didn't come across that my H would be a jerk about it - I COMPLETELY don't think that, at all. I think he'd be very loving and compassionate and absolutely a decent guy. But a very large part of me fears that it will scare him into running again. Not now, because he's too kind and caring to do that, but 3 or 6 months from now when Dad's "out of the woods" but there's still a higher risk of him having another heart attack. He gave my broken leg and lost mobility from it as one of the reasons for leaving, but he waited until I was strong enough to take care of myself before he left. Left a big impression on me.. obviously... and a deep fear. He later acknowledged that wasn't really fair and kind of hinted it wasn't even a real reason but it still rattled me (and continues to).

I know he's here but I don't feel very secure in it, yet, I suppose.

And I know these are all some really messed up excuses. This is LIFE, it could happen to ANYONE he's with or it could be HIS dad... it's not something wrong with "me" or "us."

Thanks for the reminders.