My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Thanks CM We have the book, I have read about 1/4 of it. W has read less.

The counseling session I went to last night seemed to be okay. Somehow I was expecting a little more advice on how to clearly define my boundaries. For example I seem to be going through a stage, which many of you have or are going through, which makes me feel like I want to do anything to save our marriage, even though I know rationally this is not the case, emotionally my heart wants everything to be the same as it was before the PA. I expected a little more, than "it sounds like you are doing fine."

My healing seems to be based on a combination of things.
Posting here and reading the struggles many of you here are battling through, helps me.
GAL process is helping me. Trying to be more outgoing, positive, starting a new bodybuilding routine on top of my other sports.
Reading articles, both online and in books helps.
The fact that W is trying hard, helps.

All this is very positive. I cannot ignore the fact how much I was hurt. At some point the R will normalize and we will go about our routines. I now have a whole bunch of things on my "wish list" which I had once accepted in our marriage as things which were forever out of reach. Now I want those things. I don't want to continue in a marriage without them.

Sometimes it would be nice to simply close a door and walk away but life is not like that.