Madonna/Whore Complex Part 4

[NOPkins]

Hi, LFL.

What he plans to do is to worm his way out of it the same way he did with Heywyre and his last little indiscretion. Modus operandi.

I hope the ST rips him a new one.

Heywyre, if the ST recognizes his behavior and addresses it directly, then you have a good one.

-NOPkins-

[LustForLife]

I was thinking the same thing Nop.
Any half-way decent therapist will see that as an obvious sign that the person is NOT ready to address the problems. Avoiding the homework is an obvious red flag.
I remember talking to my MIL about when she and my FIL were going to C to try and fix their M. She said her H avoided every assignment the therapist gave them. The therapist told them they wouldn't get anywhere like that. They D shortly thereafter.
I just think it is a bad sign.
I'm sure their ST will address it though.
LFL

[MJontheMend]

Wonder what he is going to say.

Maybe "The dog ate it." ?

[chromosphere]

Either that or he'll do like most of my students do, wait till the end of the "semester" and ask for extra credit assignments.

[COG]

She said her H avoided every assignment the therapist gave them. The therapist told them they wouldn't get anywhere like that. They D shortly thereafter.
I just think it is a bad sign.

What he plans to do is to worm his way out of it the same way he did with Heywyre and his last little indiscretion. Modus operandi. I hope the ST rips him a new one.

Well thanks for the positive encouragement you two. One thing is for sure, when anger, resentment, fear, and jealousy are present, in either partner, progress will be fleeting. I can tell you from experience, a lot of experience, that if enough pressure is put on H, not only will he not do homework, he'll not do ST either.

This is'nt something you can push somebody into, especially a person like Heywyre's H. He's been this way for a LONG time, and it'll take a LONG time for him to heal. There's no quick fix. It's baby steps, from BOTH partners. One person learning to accept the sitch, love unconditionally, and be patient, the other learning to push through the fear and pain they've been carrying, hiding from, most of their lives.

This is a major undertaking. One step at a time. Trust the process, trust God's process, be part of the solution not part of the problem. Throw away the calendar, let by gones be by gones, and love like 1 Corinthians 13.

This is'nt just all about HW's H. It's about her, and it's about all of us too. Laying down our lives for our friends, for what's right. So let's just stay positive, and not nitpick the negatives cause baby, we've ALL got negatives.

Heywyre, visualize your R as you want it, and don't let anyone or anything cloud your vision or get in your way.

You'll have him eating out of your hands, or other parts , before you know it.

Love,

COG

[COG]

Heywyre,

And here's a little different spin on the Insurance girl. You've got to start looking at every opportunity to create a little sexual tension. See that's what YOU can do to improve your sitch.

When your H came and told you about what the girl said, I'm not sure what your response was, but here's what it should have been.
"Oh H you stud muffin you. You've got these women just hot to trot. How do you do it to us? Wow, you are really HOT!" My guess is your probably responded more like his mother than his lover, but that's OK. Just start looking for opportunities, opportunities that have always existed, but maybe you've never recognized before.

Look at this as a game, and play to win!

Love,

COG

[SouthernGirl]

When your H came and told you about what the girl said, I'm not sure what your response was, but here's what it should have been."Oh H you stud muffin you. You've got these women just hot to trot. How do you do it to us? Wow, you are really HOT!"

You are joking, right? Or did you mean say that with a slightly sardonic inflection, and then grin at the hot mechanic? Because I could totally get behind that one.

[NOPkins]

Hi, COG.

Quote: "Well thanks for the positive encouragement you two"

Thanks for your opinion.

Funny thing, I thought that the bible is full of truth. I thought that the truth was a positive thing to give someone.

Maybe I am just weird, but I would rather someone tell me truth, or an honest opinion, than blow sunshine up nether regions any day.

I thought I was offering positive encouragement.

Sometimes, all the patience and good intentions in the world won't accomplish a thing. Your situation is an example. Your ACTIONS brought about changes in your relationship, not just feeling good.

Change also doesn't have to take a long time either.

Heywyre has chosen to stay in her relationship. I respect her decision. I respect her. I do not think that her husband's actions are respectable, however, so I voiced my honest opinion as to his motivations.

In my OPINION, accepting repeated bad behavior from someone, anyone (including a spouse), is simply a bad idea.

-NOPkins-

[LustForLife]

Well thanks for the positive encouragement you two.

With all due respect COG, if someone points out something that doesn't seem positive, why should I or Nop (or whoever) say it is?
Not to toot my own horn (or Nops) but I'd say we are both in fairly healthy M's right now and having lots of hot sex to boot. Is that from "staying positive" when our S is acting like they are not giving where they need to give in the M? Heck no.
Confrontation works. Brutal truth works. It's the only thing that will ultimately build the intimacy.
But that's my take.
LFL

[Heywyre]

I thank ALL of you for your comments - really. I wouldn't be on this board if I didn't want them. They are what helps me to sort out my day to day indecisions and I appreciate each and every one of them, even if I don't act on them

I don't know what the ST will say but according to his website he is very adament about doing the homework, otherwise don't bother. H said this whole "homework thing is rather childish" but my guess is he is feeling very vulnerable right now and this is something we have NEVER done in 18 years of marriage so you can understand him hesitating

Time will tell - we go tomorrow to the ST so not much longer to wait for the hammer to fall. I wouldn't be surprised if he attempted some lame version of the homework later today but I am not holding my breath in that regard.