He told me that he had considered having a sort of European arrangement with me where I could have lovers but we could stay married but had decided that he was too American.
I bet he did consider it. Look at him now. It's pathetic.
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During this convo, he said something like "Of course, I will probably never be in a relationship again (sigh)". I looked over at him and said something like "Oh, you're pretty cute. I'm sure it will happen." and for just a moment he flashed me his "coy/cute" look and this might seem kind of unbelievable but that might have been the first time that it dawned on my consciousness that he actually acted that way purposefully. So that is why it now makes me pukey when he does it.
I agree...pukey. And I would bet big money that if he does find someone to date she will be in her 20's. What 30's and 40's woman is going to enter into a R with this man? He's still in teenager mode. LFL
He might have experimented with a man at some point if only to see what reflected him in a light he liked. KWIM?
You really hit the nail on the head with that one. So much of my 2bx's concerns with my appearance had to do with "how I made him look" or some other kind of not really sexual vibe. This attitude just made me resent whoever this theoretical audience was that he was concerning himself with. It always seemed to me like there was some other man he was trying to impress and it was my job to help him look good for this man in many different ways. The problem was that I really didn't give a f*ck what this man thought because as far as I was concerned I was already as good as or better than this man and didn't want to waste my time on this planet trying to impress him.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I agree...pukey. And I would bet big money that if he does find someone to date she will be in her 20's. What 30's and 40's woman is going to enter into a R with this man? He's still in teenager mode.
That's exactly what my sister said. She was very angry. She said "He is setting himself up perfectly to hook up with some young girl who will feel sorry for him and think he's attractive. I hope you won't feel bad when this happens." To which I replied "No, I won't feel bad because any relationship that he is in will be a bad relationship, not one to envy."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Mojo, your H's card brought to mind the TV program "Super Nanny" and how to deal with self centered behaviors kids display. It's all about what is good (selfish wants) for them, what they want..
I bow to your superior knowledge of him and the subject matter. But there's something odd there I can't quite put my finger on.
Well, here are a couple things that stick with me. I met my 2bx when we were both working at a campus party store. We were casual friends who hung out in the same large social circle for over a year before we started seeing each other. Anyway, there was this really sexually aggressive guy who worked at the same party store and he was always hitting on me ( I once lodged a complaint with the 30-something guy who ran the store along the lines of "____ grabbed my *ss behind the counter. Do you think that is appropriate?" Of course, being the never-to-be-taken-seriously person that I am, the response I got was "I'll talk to him." with a subtext of "and we'll laugh our *sses off.") When this macho-to-the-point-of-obnoxious guy found out I was dating my 2bx his response was sort of like "Well, if that's what you like, I can see why you didn't go for me."
Another thing. Years later my 2bx and I worked for the same company but at different locations. I had a good friend co-worker who was one of the world's biggest natural flirts and very attractive. She actually had a brief affair with a guy who is probably one of the Top 20 most eligible bachelors on the planet. One day she spent some time interacting with my 2bx. We were talking later and she said "Your H is kind of weird." which is not exactly an appropriate thing to say to a friend but I knew just why she felt that way. She was baffled because he was resistant to her social flirtation. Actually, my 2bx was sometimes rude when women flirted with him because he found such behavior so annoying. In a way I think he viewed it as competitive behavior. It kind of goes along with the fact that I think most people think I'm kind of funny but my 2bx rarely did because he had to be the funny one. I always had to be the straight guy in our relationship.
Interesting. This probably all adds up to something. Not that it really matters. The bottom line is of this particular equation will always be "thank goodness he's gone".
I agree...pukey. And I would bet big money that if he does find someone to date she will be in her 20's. What 30's and 40's woman is going to enter into a R with this man? He's still in teenager mode.
That's exactly what my sister said. She was very angry. She said "He is setting himself up perfectly to hook up with some young girl who will feel sorry for him and think he's attractive. I hope you won't feel bad when this happens." To which I replied "No, I won't feel bad because any relationship that he is in will be a bad relationship, not one to envy."
Either that, or someone quite older. You gotta remember he ain't got no cash. Pretty, but feeble young things tend to be expensive. He might do the "starving poet supported by older, female Maecenas" thingey.
SG wrote: "Either that, or someone quite older. You gotta remember he ain't got no cash. Pretty, but feeble young things tend to be expensive. He might do the "starving poet supported by older, female Maecenas" thingey."
One of my brothers, the unofficial half brother (but official black sheep of the family), is 41 years old and living with a woman that is the same age as my mother before she died.
Fact is stranger than fiction.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Either that, or someone quite older. You gotta remember he ain't got no cash. Pretty, but feeble young things tend to be expensive. He might do the "starving poet supported by older, female Maecenas" thingey.
Yeah, I could definitely see that happening. He's out of the tent now living in a motel being funded by his big sister. He's applying for jobs at book and music stores. Which pretty much means that I could probably find more spare change in my sofa right now than my child support payment will be. He abandoned his apartment and just left all the utilities hooked up. I refuse to do anything about this. He's supposed to be giving me payments towards the mortgage too since we rolled all our debt into it before we split and now I'm stuck with that too. He told me he doesn't care what happens because he'll just declare bankruptcy. Meanwhile, my sister/business partner is undergoing chemo/radiation so I have to cover for her or my business cash flow will reduce to a trickle. So...I feel like I shouldn't be dating or doing anything fun or buying golden hoodies or even chatting with you guys until I get this mess sorted out but then I get all p*ssed off that somehow I'm STILL the one who has to do everything even though I kicked his *zz to the curb. I really need about a 3 month supply of Dexedrine so I can just power through this cr*p and then once again feel the delight of no longer being married to him and free to plan a better future.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
One of my brothers, the unofficial half brother (but official black sheep of the family), is 41 years old and living with a woman that is the same age as my mother before she died.
Either that, or someone quite older. You gotta remember he ain't got no cash. Pretty, but feeble young things tend to be expensive. He might do the "starving poet supported by older, female Maecenas" thingey.
Yeah, I could definitely see that happening. He's out of the tent now living in a motel being funded by his big sister. He's applying for jobs at book and music stores. Which pretty much means that I could probably find more spare change in my sofa right now than my child support payment will be. He abandoned his apartment and just left all the utilities hooked up. I refuse to do anything about this. He's supposed to be giving me payments towards the mortgage too since we rolled all our debt into it before we split and now I'm stuck with that too. He told me he doesn't care what happens because he'll just declare bankruptcy. Meanwhile, my sister/business partner is undergoing chemo/radiation so I have to cover for her or my business cash flow will reduce to a trickle. So...I feel like I shouldn't be dating or doing anything fun or buying golden hoodies or even chatting with you guys until I get this mess sorted out but then I get all p*ssed off that somehow I'm STILL the one who has to do everything even though I kicked his *zz to the curb. I really need about a 3 month supply of Dexedrine so I can just power through this cr*p and then once again feel the delight of no longer being married to him and free to plan a better future.
I am very sorry you have to put up with all this mess.
