It means she has felt bad, been hurt and the two of you have been emotionally disconnected. It's a classic WAW comment. Mine has said that in effect. Have you really examined your past to see what went wrong and, most importantly, your role in it?
Ok here go's, maybe a long one but, I'll try...
We have been emotionally & physically disconnected for sometime. I did'nt want to confront it & I my W did'nt want to either, I guess. We stoped haveing an intimate relationship about 1 yr ago & I knew at the time that we should talk about it. I left it be, and the longer it went on the more normal it was, that is to say it did'nt appear to bother my W, so in the end I never brought up the topic.
I beleive that I have some problems of being insurcure that i never talked about. I preferd to lock it away & hope it would go away. I did talk about all of this to my W in the heart to heart talk we had (to little to late, huh?). I even think that i was maybe suffering from mild depression. After sometime of worrying about myself & how i looked physically, I am quite tall & skinny & that has always botherd me...I let go of my personal appearance & pretty much did'nt care how i looked anymore, but in a negative way.
The more negative i was, the more i became...I would find the bad in just about everything. Always complaing about this that & the other. I was a moaning complaining wuss.
For sometime I had not involved myself in the running of our house..The bills, shopping , & general tidyness of it...I am very ashamed to say this. I have found out since my W left that our finances were not in great shape & while I always believed we were saving money to afford one great Holiday (Vacation) per year (we dicided we should do holidays that we really wanted)it appears we were not. My W paid on the credit card. I then found out, that in order to pay the credit card, she had taken out a personal load to pay it in full. For this years holiday, the same again, it was paid for on the card. I feel very responsable for this because i was not helping her with these matters & had no idea she was doing this. My W does not know, that I know any of this either. Although she does know, that I know we have money outstanding, I did ask her to come over & talk about it, she never came & i did'nt want to pressure her.
The last few months prior to her leaving I felt that we were begining to get back on track, with our social life, a little at a time. We started going away for weekends to see shows that she has always wanted to see etc etc..I did think we were discovering each other again. I know that my W told her mother, that she was suprised that we had been doing all this stuff again. But again, too little to late springs to mind?
As I have Said, I have had six weeks to consider all of this, my faults & mistakes before & after. I have made some big changes in myself & i know it's for the better. As for my R & my W, that's where it seems to be stuck. I can't change the past, wish i could though.
I have no idea how to approach my W, I don't know if I should be contacting her or not. I dont want this to be another case in our history of...Well she seems happy with it & she maybe thinks i am too...& so it goes on & on..
I Love my W more than ever, if anything good can come from this it's the fact that she has made me see how much love I have for her...I want her to be happy even if that means shes happy with the OM & free of the burden that I seem to have caused her. But i feel that it's not over for us, I just don't know which road to take to try & recover what maybe left of my marriage.
I could write a thousand page's, probably..But basically, we have both sat & let out R dwindle away instead of confronting our thoughts about it. I never stopped loving her but it appears she had different thoughts about me.
Thanks for reading & some guidance would be greatly appreciated.
