ROOT-Your story does inspire me. I think there some vague similarities in our situations (no OW that I know of)...at least comparing yours early on. Sometimes I think it would be easier to curl up in a ball and die...not that I would ever do anything to make that happen! Anyway, my H can't say he wants a D but he doesn't want to be married either. He would be happy to be my friend especially if there are benefits, which was happening a lot earlier in our S but has cooled off recently. Really all aspects of the friendship have cooled off because I/we always bring up R stuff.

My H even told me today he is in love with me but can't tell me he will try to make an effort to work on things. So, today I lost it (again) and told him that if he can't tell that he will work on things, then he should file for D (my h is an attorney). I have been losing all hope and I know I handle things so poorly. I have even told my H I am going to start to date and that I have a lunch date tomorrow (just friends but I didn't tell him that). I wish I could have been handling thing as you have...being his friend, very little R talk, making our time together positive...I just haven't been able to do it consistantly. I get frustrated when things seem to be going well and then he backs off. My H also backs off when I try to push so I doubt I will hear from him for a while from him unless I initiate it. I wonder if he does have MLC or if I just a pain in his a$$...maybe both!!!

I have been trying to GAL (I think I am even going to buy a new house on my own...long story) and not even talk to my H but it is difficult to do that consistantly since I do his bookkeeping (I guess I am giving that up since I told him to file).

I guess I will just have to wait to see if he files and I will try to take your advice to "dive deep inside and find some semblence of strength and then build it up". Heaven knows I need to find strength no matter what happens. I just wish I knew if there was any hope for my M.

Also, I read your advice to Heartbroken...It was great. I hope it is not too late for me to use some of it.