Thanks Braveheart for pointing out the healthful and postiive--relaxation etc--benefits of an apology. I do think they are important...but as we say about everything else...expect nothing. An apology may not come at the point when we think it shouold....perhaps not at that magic moment when out of the blue we get a phone call from the MLCer saying he made a mistake and wants to be back with us.
That may be the first sign. Just the start. Sometimes that is when the apology arrives. But there may be some MLCers who then need a somewhat positive response (not yes, but not so negative such as who the he11 do you think you are after what you did to me...) to stick there head out a bit farther. They need to assure themselves it will be safe. If the LBS is too excited...they may get scared. Possibly because they really aren't ready...but who is, they may be ready to start slowly and don't want the pressure of the LBS's excitement.
We don't get a healthy spouse back. Always pointed it out when she compared our MLCers to you guys on the board--and she forgot Simon!! Papa Smurf is a great guy! Returners come back broken...but hopefuly ready to begin the process of fixing themselves and with us, the relationship.
And sadly many don't attempt returns even amidst great DB'ing. We cannot say why some do and some do not...wow, if I could I'd be rich!
Thanks for giving your family history. I wasn't implying you didn't have expereince...just wanting to know what it was. It shows your perspoective which is helpful.
AmyC is the only one who went after her husband because Happy_Again's wife was still standing...so he didn't have to go after her. As for M Go BLue...he went through his MLC before the board and later DB'd through his wife's MLC.
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I am not convinced that "providing a safe place" is always the best way to go with an MLCer. Case in point; AMYC's husband has not provided her with "a safe place" in fact, he has argued with her many times against reconsiliation.
Ah yes--Amy correct me if I'm wrong--but Amy's husband isn't/wasn't an MLCer. He stood strong for a couple of years. It seems that his arguments against reconciliation came after he sat down. What if the following poster's MLCers suddenyl called them up and wanted back and then began DB'ing Laughing MTN MEA They may have made a safe place...while Standing...but they don't want them back anymore. Amy is the MLCer and she flipped that tables.
I think that a safe place is important for both MLC genders, but do agree that it is especially so for males...but then that is the type I am more expereinced with.
Okay, that's my response. I hope you don't mind, but I'm not running a thread right now...so here's a little hijack.
I'm fine, happy etc. BUT my foot is having complications. The soft cast was ontoo tigh which caused a bilister (more like a boil) to form on my heel once the pressure was released. It was freaky big. I went to work Friday, but decided to return to the Dr on Sunday. No work, no boot--because I couldn't fit my foot in, no weight. I returned today for a different Dr to check it. He deflated it and wrapped it. more X-rays...the break is not healin properly or as expected. So, the blister is now an open petri dish attached to my Achilles--but if I didn't have agiant wrap around it I could fit in the boot...but poor healing means still no weight. So tomorrow he will check my petri dish again. I don't know what then. No work? I think I'm supposed to just stop and go on some bedrest. He references surgery--didn't say I would need it...but said somteimes people need surgery for this...close enough. So... I'm going to take a board break for a few weeks. Sweetheart go REALLY sick in the middle of this and I've been hopping everywhere, cooking, sweeping, dishes...taking care of him instead of resting. So I need to stop. Okay...my Mom told me I need to stop. She recommended I take a board retreat and keep up the writing--which is coming along nicely, thank you very much.
I love you guys and will see you in a few weeks... I can do this!! Haven't done it before. But to stick to it, no reading the board either.
It so hard. I love everyone here! Okay, I'm going...really.
