I have been here for 10 months and it has flown by and at the same time it has stood still. I am trying to break the mold even more and let myself be who I am and be stronger than yesterday. I am working on knowing it is ok to be strong, beautiful and loving at the same time. I need to give myself permission to be Happy and to do things just for me even more.

To MY H : I love you like I have never loved another, you fill me up and make me stronger and you take me to places unseen before and I want to love you all the days of my life and you mean the world to me, you make me smile bigger , love deeper and find a greater purpose for my love. You are my beginning and my end you are who I want to lay next to all the days of my life. You make me love you when you love me the way you do...you were getting so close , so close to being who you really are. But you need more from you.

I will always love you but I have left myself once again in the dark and I need to feel the sun on my face and be me~ I need to be able to feel and think and know it is ok and it is safe and I am loved also. Not because I fit into my skinny jeans or I made a fabulous dinner,, but just because I am ~
I am beautiful, loving and kind. I want for you to open your eyes and see me.. really see the WOMAN I am~ and so I must get stronger and take care of me.. and the love will be there and I will place you above all others as always but I must take care of me .

I have been taking so much care to love you and help you get strong and peel back the layers and really love you with out holding back and now I need to put the beauty back in me. I am stripped right now, stripped of all the essence of me from working so hard for so long. I will never stop and never waiver I will love you all the days of my life but it has to be ok for me to love me and take care of me~

You yourself told me to take care of me and I always go back to putting myself last. This time and year I really commit to taking care of me while loving you and my children. Without me loving myself I cannot be the Woman and Lover and Mother I need to be! And really I am not asking for your permission cause you already gave it to me months ago,, but I am in essence giving it to myself~

1. take care of me by putting in healthy good foods
2. take care of me by getting some free time in just for me everyday.
3. take care of me by remembering I AM WORTHY~ BEAUTIFUL,STRONG,LOVING AND KIND~
4. take care of me by getting my beauty back
5. take care of me by remembering that I have worked so hard for this and I deserve to ENJOY it~
6. take care of me by taking time to work out daily again
7. TAKE CARE OF MY BY HONORING THE BEAUTIUFL CHILD OF GOD THAT I AM AND LOVING YOU ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE~

You answered my prayers when I knew it would take a Miracle to resurrect my MARRIAGE, now please help me to find the strength to love myself even more and not be afraid and rejoice in who I am. I find beauty in others why do I not see it in me?
God help me find strength to love ......I deserve to be loved back just the way I love... a new change is coming to me and it is going to be hard but I will do this and it will be good. I will not be afraid for you will help me when I am weak and you will hold me up when I think I cannot go on another day. Loving my H is easy and my children too but loving me more than I do now ,
......that is a challenge and it should not be ... enough is enough~
GOD bless....