It was more the tone in the discussion you described in that other post more than anything else. The sense that the man is the paycheck, that you are entitled to the paycheck, and your financial input is optional in some way. I'm not saying that's how you feel, but that is how it sounded. I think that yes, you are getting at some of the stuff I was hearing.
But, please talk to your L first before you take ANY action that affects your financial sitch.
DBwise, I think it is a TERRIFIC idea to show H a pilates biz plan with projections. That is really stepping up and showing that you are willing to share in the financial burden. But legally, I don't know if it would hurt your alimony if H's L had your financial projections.
What about some other things? Can you cancel cable? Where else can you save money? Can you find $100 a month to save and ask H what he thinks of those ideas?
Imagine you told H: "H, I just can't handle things at home, I'm losing it. There are so many activities, the housecleaning, plus X,Y,Z. There is a lot of heavy lifting, there are repairs that only you can make, I'm really overwhelmed. My quality of life sucks, I can't do this alone. I really need some help with some of this. I want other things now that the kids are a bit older, I want to be able to spend maybe 10% of my time on this Pilates thing. It means a lot to me."
How validated would you feel if H said: "Gee honey, I can understand why that would be stressful, you've always been such a great housekeeper. It must be hard to feel overwhelmed. But no, I really can't take out the trash. Maybe I'll work on some of those repairs next year."
And then the next day you say: "H, you walked in the door, got mud all over the carpet, and threw your clothes all over the place. Do you want me to clean up after you?"
H replies: "Yes" while looking at you like you are crazy. You are the SAHM after all.
