Stillme's Chapters Continue

[Nomopo]

Hello still:

So that's what a "Brief Recap" looks like.

In mid-March '07, b/c of disagreement/control issues re: my getting a FT legal sec'y job (H's want) vs. (my pref) pursuing Pilates instructor career, I told H he needed to move out & he left that wkend (moving into an apt across the street).

I don't remember that. Why did you ask him to leave the house? Any details you could cut & paste here again? I'm curious about that.

Since that time, H has been consistently angry & ugly, or avoids/ignores me (with a FEW minor breaks for 'nice' interactions).
H's anger is financially-based.

Is his anger also about being "asked to leave the house"? I mean the connection to the financial stress is obvious, but maybe the "being asked to leave" is more important. Just thinking out loud. What would it take for him to move back in (assuming he wanted to)? Do you think he would feel the need to be invited back (not that you could/shoul)? Or do oyu think he would be comfortable just telling you I am moving back in or I want to move back in?

When I gave examples of what I said/what H said in some recent negative interactions, she said she sees me doing alot of "stating" (ex., "H, if you leave the lawnmower [where I can get to it], I can/will mow [instead of him]" & even, when I THOUGHT I was wording it well! "H, I know you said you were going in to work today, but I thought I'd call to see if you wanted to keep S w/you b/c he'd rather not go shopping w/us") and this is a form of attempting to control him. She's right!!! And, okay, this is "just the way I am" and certainly not (usually) meant in an aggressive/controlling waiy - but, at least in this sitch, it's not the best way to go as it only fuels H's anger - obviously. Who knew??!

Not me.

So, instead of Stating, she wants me to put question marks after almost every thing I say (or at least every new subject, or first few sentences of our interactions). "H, would you like to keep S today?" or "H, should I try & mow the lawn while you're away?" - There's less opp. for him to have an ugly response, and may SHOW (duh! more DBing) that I'm trying to work WITH him on this sitch instead of AGAINST him.

I like it.

When C & I talked about H's financial stress issues, she wants me to Question H along the lines of, "What can I do to help the sitch [financially] for right now?" "What is something that can help us (yes, US!) financially?" and, after I crunch some numbers, give him some info & figures re: my P.career projections (as 'positives' rather than the 'negative unknowns' he only has to work w/).

I like this too.

I though she gave you solid advice on the two things to be cautious about.

So, I'm crunching numbers. . .Working on getting as many new clients as I can in the next wk or 2, so I can (hopefully) have some really good positives to show for myself in the financial dept., take some of the weight off H

btw, I'd like to order 57 private P sessions for the weekend of 8/11, and I will prepay.

Nomopo