My husband came home last night after I made him leave a couple of days ago. He confessed to the whole thing and told me he wanted to continue the relationship with this woman. I have to admit I begged him not to leave, and then finally I grabbed my keys and purse and left. This morning everything was different and he was begging me to come home, crying and pleading. I am distraught. I knew something was going on but as long as he denied it I could live in a bit of denial. I have another thread here somewhere. Where do I go from here? This is the 3rd affaie in 35 years. This is tearing me apart and the worst thing is my grown children are involved. My grown son cried like a baby last night. I am sick physically and emotionally and my husband is really an emotional wreck. My oldest son got him in with a counselor that he knows and that is where he is right now. I made him call the other woman in front of me and tell her it was over. When he was talking to her I began screaming like a mad woman at her. He even had her at the park with him last week playing with our grandchildren. My little grandson told his dad she was there and he wouldn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me. Now the kids are really angry at their dad. I am back home but I can't stand the sight of him. He makes me physically ill just to look at him. She called my house and wanted to talk to my husband and I screamed again at her to not call my house. I have had 2 hours sllep and my doctor called in some med. for me including an antibiotic for a lung infection. I feel terrible. Please any insight would be helpful.
I wish I had some advice. I do have prayers though and a hug. Has your H been to see a counselor before? I know it makes you feel better temporarily but yelling at the ow will make you feel crappy long term. Can you block her calls? How long has he been with current ow?
try to take some deep breaths and see what happens with counselor
What do you want?
Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
You see it wasn't a bad thing to confront. It got things in the open. Your H is pretty f***ed up. But you aren't exactly in a good frame of mind either. You definitely need counseling too. This is what happens when you allow something to go on for 35 years. And if you have a grown sin crying like a baby, it tells me something more is going on. And this is not to say I don't understand a grown child crying, but like a baby?
You now have to take control of this situation and fix it. If you don't, the same thing will happen again. I don't care about OW because it was your H who made the choice. He made the same choice before.
I want to leave you with something one of my counselors said when I asked him how long it would take me to change. He said, "you have been this way for a long time (I was 45 at the time), it will take a long time to change." voilets, this is going to take a long time to fix. And I don't know if it even will. If he is making you ill, he may have to go on his own to get unf***ed up. But you now have the chance to fix yourself. You control what you do from here on.
Well, I am the kind of person who tries to keep everything on an even keel. I have lost it today and I don't know how to get control. I just booted him out again. The counselor he went to specilizes in veterans issues and my husband came home feeling pretty good about seeing him. He had a pamphlet on post traumatic stress and I wonder where my treatment for post traumatic stress is going to come from. I made an appointment through my dr.s office and cannot get in until next week to a C. He (husband) is messed up bad. I feel for him as a human being but I can't stand to look at him right now. He is taking a week off of work and trying to transfer from the dept. he is in. He asked my son to lie for him and he tried but when I questioned him he broke down. He knew all along what was going on with his dad and he felt quilty. I don't blame him. I blame his dad. I don't know what I want. I knew for months of course but when he finally confirmed it everything seemed so much more real. The problem is I don't know what to do with me. I really do not know where to start. Thanks for the hugs and help
think small, start with small changes you will feel better and then be able to handle the larger issues. It will take time but hun, you are going to be living this time anyway right? might as well make it productive. Think about this also, By helping yourself you are better able to help your H and son. There is one small thing in the pit of your stomach that will tell you where to start. do you fell that? start there. You can do this
lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I too am the type that tries to keep things on an even keel. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. But good job getting to the C. S/he should help you start to figure out what to do with yourself. As for your H, if you can't stand looking at him, don't. You need a break from him and who can blame you. You may have to tell him.
thank you both for responding. I fell asleep upstairs and just woke up. I am so glad I found this site and discussion board. I had him tell her to quit calling here earlier before I made him leave. Bless both of you. I try to be a person of faith, sometimes it is difficult but today I feel it is almost impossible.
We are all glad we found this bb but we all hate to have to meet this way. Having faith during these times is hard but that is really what faith is right? It is easy during the good times but you need it most during the bad. We are all here to help and you will get help gently and not so gently but listen to what we all say and take what you can form the advice we have to offer. We are all here to support and hold each other up.
Take care, Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I am so sorry you are going through this again.... You do not deserve this. I want you to remember this is not your fault. This is has nothing to do with you, but speaks volumes about your H. He seems to not be able to say no to himself/ or OW.
Try to keep your cool. Respond and react with a calm voice and body language. Remember you can be in control if you choose. You have choices. Don't make any decisions for a while until things calm down. You need to be clear-headed before you make any decisions.
We are here for you.......
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
