I hear what you mean about the impact depression can have! I now think I was depressed for much of the past few years, but I didn't recognize it at the time b/c I was on antidepressants (! )at the time.

My failures and need to forgive, though, go back all the way to childhood. These are things I took on as an oldest child -- the need to protect my siblings, the need to protect my parents -- even though there weren't real reasons to do so. When the inevitable happened - events outside my control that kept me from protecting my family - I began to attempt to control my environment even more so I could avoid the anxiety and fear. When big events like a date rape when I was a teenager and my sister's suicide/death are dealt in - not to even mention the potential failure of my marriage, I have created a ginormous control issue - and sense of failure. All of this cumulative anxiety and neuroses (is this TMI yet??? ) I know didn't help things as H&me struggled with our separate issues that then led to him leaving.

SO, it's time to take apart the build-up and hopefully be a calmer, less controlling, less co-dependent person for the second half of my life!!! ;\) I've decided this is what I need to do to GAL.