Wow, JustD, you sound like you are doing some strong 180 with the amount of darkness (is that the right way to refer to it?) you are using. Do you sense any difference in his questions and concern or is it too soon to tell?
I'm on day 3 of being dark - or at least twilight - and have done pretty well. I have only talked with H when he has been at our house with the boys, and then only to clarify scheduling things. I'm not being rude, just polite. I don't know if it will make any difference anytime soon, but it is helping me some.
I wish, still, that I could exorcise out of me the regret and blueness about our situation. I am finding that it sneaks up more these past few days - like I forget we are separated and H currently is so set on a divorce ... and then it dawns on me again. Blah!
I had a C visit today. We are working on my own issues of feeling like I have failed and my inability to forgive myself for those times. My sister keeps telling me I didn't fail with those particular instances, but I know that it's the feeling, not the knowing, that's the problem. (IE: I KNOW that these are not times I failed, but I feel like they are. ) The result of today's session was that I was really sad for a while, but by this afternoon I was feeling more calm. I can't tell if that calmness is b/c the therapy is working or just that I'm worn out from the sadness.
The rain is starting to get on my nerves - we have had rain at least five days out of the last seven. We had really rainy summers in 1993 & 1999, and I think we are looking at another one this summer. Summer here in Iowa can be really wonderful - not too hot and lovely evenings - but the rainy summers can be real downers. I'll try not to overguess and just take it one day at a time.
Other than all of this, my day's been ok. I hope your evening is good.
