wecome to my nightmare 2

[Dr LOve]

Hey root
Well I locked up another one.

I took my son to get a hair cut. My W usually does this. I took him to my barber and he had never cut my son’s hair before so I told him what I wanted and he did it. After I thought My W is going to say it’s too short or how can you screw up a hair cut. But when her cam home she said it looked fine. Later that night after dinner I ask her if the night before my son and I leave if she wanted to go to the small club (I found while GAL). I would get a sitter for my son and we could jus get a pizza and stay about an hour. She asked if could wait and do it when I get back. These are not her exact words but she said it in a way that sounded like to me she wanted to do it when we could stay out longer.
Ok and last but not least. I was so busy yesterday I forgot to put out the recycle bin that is kept in the back yard. This morning I was going to do it but I forgot that I cleaned out the garage and there was a bunch of stuff on the side of the house so I couldn’t’ get the bin out.
After I got to work and was sure my W was out of bed I called home and apologized for orgeting to do it and told her not to worry because I would take care it when I got home.
After my W got to work she called me to tell me about something I had to do wit my son after school. The she said “I took the recycle bin out for you” I asked how she got past all of the stuff? She just said I was no big deal I just moved it. WHAT? This is a W who 2 months ago had a fit because I put 1 bowl on the wrong shelf. I was not even sure she knew we had a back yard.
This all looks pretty positive ta me. Wait until next week when I send her on a treasure hunt each night I’m gone looking for her surprises.

Husband

[WAW in the OC]

Well Husband,
I'm glad to hear you are having successes. Perhaps some of that positive mojo will wear off on us and produce positive results for all wives.

You are real good at noticing those baby steps and I wish I could have your vision. When my wife stays in the room that I'm in I consider it a baby step. If she acknowledges me, that's a baby step to me. I'm still looking for a bigger step and I'm just praying it comes soon cause I could sure use it.

For now I'll be happy for you. The fact that your wife even talks to you is big, believe me. I'm trying to keep the faith by DBing and GAL. Wife is out of town for the week so it's been very quiet and calm at home. Wish me luck when she comes back from her business trip(honeymoon w/OM) cause it's back to reality and I think she'll be p/o. Oh well, I'll just act "as if" and see what happens.

Trying to smile and wave.

[Dr LOve]

Hey WAW
I am not out of the woods yet. I just hit a little clearing. I feel guilty that things in my sitch are going good and you and Andyv seem to have hit a wall. I’m living in a house of cards right now. ANYTHING could bring it down. I think timing is everything. Going away with my son next week will give my W time to think. Time to see what it will be like with me not around. I on the other hand am going into a FORGET EVERYTHING mode. The is nothing else in the world that week except my son and I. Like I said I feel bad for the everyone out here not having such a good time in their sitch. I don’t want to post for a while then I remembered times when my sitch was not going so well. Feeling really low and depressed. I would log in here and read about somebody making progress in the R. and it inspired me to give it one more day. I’m on the “happy wagon” right now. So I hope everyone out here can see there is hope. I found the pictures of my W and the OM on April 12,2007 (one more day it would have been Friday the 13th). I went 1 week with very little food or sleep. The next week I was looking at apartments. The next week I found this site. Many people here have given good advice. And I have learned from trial and error from all of you and myself what to do and what not to. I still want to look at the phone log soooooooo bad but I promised Andy v that I would not. You all are in my prayers I’m going to be sending out some positive MOJO tonight so be ready.

Husband

[andyv]

Hey Husband,

It is great to hear that things are going well for you. Don't ever feel guilty about our sitches because like you said, we draw on your positives.

You have done really well for not looking at the phone records. It won't help you at all. So what if she is still in contact with him, her feelings for you are coming back. Thats the main thing. As soon as you look at those records, and if you see something you don't like, your PMA goes out the window and I guarentee your approach to your W will change. This had been my problem.

I would see my W getting happier to be around me, and even nearly got her to go to the park with Me and DD. Then I did the stupid thing and looked at the phone record and saw that she stayed at OM's house on a Sat night.

That changed my personality, and It in turn soured the goodwill that was happending between the two of us. The park never eventuated due to this reason.

So just keep doing what you are doing, you are doing a great job.

[Matilda2]

For some reason I thought it was THIS week that you were camping. Enjoy every minute!

I think the little gift ideas are a wonderful idea. I always told my H that small, thoughtful gifts were better than diamonds any day!! I will keep my fingers crossed that things stay positive. It's hard to be satisfied with baby steps, but they all add up to a giant leap eventually.

Matilda

[Dr LOve]

Matilda2

Ok I almost blew it. See I told ya I was living in a house of cards. My W called me at work and asked me to pick up some papers for our son’s day care that had to be in tomorrow. I completely spaced it out. As I was fixing dinner for my son I remembered. Luckily I was able to get the papers before they closed and before my W got home. I don’t know if the W I am seeing now would get upset but I know for sure the old one would have.
Ok now for the surprises
Sunday night when I call home I’ll tell her where the first one is hidden. It’s some face cream wrapped in pink paper she told my daughter she wanted to get. It must be good stuff because 3 stores I went to were sold out. I’m giving her this one first because she may want to start out her work week using it.
Gift 2 she will find when she gets to work. It’s a pink fan that has L.E.D messages on it when you turn it on. I wrote: Miss you A &M (my son and my initials).
Gift 3 I’ll tell her about on Tuesday night. I got her a pink sticky note holder that has a place to put a photo on top. I put a picture of our son in it.
Gift 4 for wensdays night some pink lottery tickets of the gifts are wrapped in pink paper her favorite color.
Now a little inside thing that I am working through. The pictures I found of my W and the OM without getting into detail involved some pink things. The Om is from the state of Washington. Soooo I Hate the state of Washington and for a while hated to color pink because it reminded me of them. Well I had to over come the pink thing. I am doing it because the A@@ Hole OM is not going to dictate my life.
Any way I still have Thursday & Friday to get something for. My W is not home from work yet so let’s see what kind of mood she is in today. Another thingI have learned when she gets home I say Welcome home and then wait to see what kind of mood she is in. If not in a good move she gets plenty of space. If her mood is good I interact a little.
I’ll log on latter and let ya know

Husband

[Matilda2]

Hope your wife came home in a good mood. At least you know when to give her space instead of making things worse.

Does your wife like chocolate? That is usually a good bet for us women (just a little,though).

I think it was smart that you put your son's photo in the sticky note holder instead of yours. You're showing her you're thinking of her, but not pushing your relationship.

Matilda

[Dr LOve]

mat

that's what i thought too about the photo.. she is in a good mood by the way

husband

[andyv]

Husband,

I agree with Matilda re photo. You are heading in the right direction. But also expect a few more ups and downs. From what I have been reading (success stories), the roller coaster starts to become interesting right about now (your sitch).

So keep doing what you are doing, don't ever think about OM or phone records, don't take any mood swings personally etc etc

Buddy, you are doing an amazing job, and I need you to keep doing it for my PMA, along with the rest of us. We are drawing all the positives from your sitch.

Hopefully I haven't put you under too much pressure

Also, chocolates are a good gift. When I saw my W looking trim, taught and terrific I started to stock up DD's pantry full of all their favourite chocolates and potato chips (my wife has no will power around these things).

I know it sounds nasty, but I am having trouble stocking up quicker than W can eat them. And I think she may have gained a few pounds............I know, I am a naughty boy.

[WAW in the OC]

It's only been since April 12 huh? That's good news that she is turning around so soon. My prayers are that she continues the momentum back to you and your family. That is the best solution for everyone.

I too have a snooping problem. I really have to stop reading her e-mails because as Andy v said it only makes things worse. I really appreciate you guys and your advice. W/out your insight my wife would have served me papers and moved out already. I may be giving you too much credit but that's okay. I'm sure after being beat up for the past couple weeks you could use a pick me up.

Keep the faith.