violets,

You see it wasn't a bad thing to confront. It got things in the open. Your H is pretty f***ed up. But you aren't exactly in a good frame of mind either. You definitely need counseling too. This is what happens when you allow something to go on for 35 years. And if you have a grown sin crying like a baby, it tells me something more is going on. And this is not to say I don't understand a grown child crying, but like a baby?

You now have to take control of this situation and fix it. If you don't, the same thing will happen again. I don't care about OW because it was your H who made the choice. He made the same choice before.

I want to leave you with something one of my counselors said when I asked him how long it would take me to change. He said, "you have been this way for a long time (I was 45 at the time), it will take a long time to change." voilets, this is going to take a long time to fix. And I don't know if it even will. If he is making you ill, he may have to go on his own to get unf***ed up. But you now have the chance to fix yourself. You control what you do from here on.

Good luck.

IMP