Well tomorrow is our horse training lesson. But tonight the first husband is over at her house watching TV. Lord help me I just want to explode or cry all in one.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
The "first husband" is over at the house? Her "first husband?" Have they remained friends over this time you've been married? I wouldn't be too worried. Do the things you can take care of and things will work out. Definitely don't lose it over this, and don't be jealous. One sure way to send a woman packing is jealousy.
Let us know how the interaction with the horse training goes, and stay positive.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
No they haven't been friends this whole time. As a matter of fact they "found" each other on the internet about 6 months ago. He picked up and left his wife and moved here (another state). Supposedly they are just friends. But I dunno. She was so done with me she was seeking comfort outside of the marriage in numerous directions. It hurts, but I put her in that position in alot of ways. Now I just found out they are exchanging vehicles for a couple of days so he can save on some major gas. He drives a 1ton truck, she has a toyota...
I know jealousy will send her packing, but I feel like I'm being played.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Can you talk to her about it? Without fighting? This does add another level of complexity to the situation, but it's not a death sentence. If they're friends, they're friends. you just have to be more attractive to her than him. You do that by doing your 180's, acting "as if," being her friend, and being her MAN! Be kind but not a doormat. There is a balance.
Do little things for her that she wouldn't expect - not too much or it's pursuing. The little things add up, and it's the little things that women like. Remember back to when you were really happy, and what did she like? Try to do some of those things, to jog her memeory back to when things were good, instead of all the negative crap she has in her head right now.
I'm with you man, keep the faith, it'll all work out. Don't give up!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Well the bonus side to this is that he's unemployed. But he spends a lot of time around here because he's bored and has nothing else since he left his wife behind.
How's this for a 180...I just sent her a legitimate job lead (as in a favor to me kind of thing) for him.
Everytime we talk about it she just gets defensive about it. So it has become basically a non-talk subject. Doesn't mean that it doesn't feel like a screwdriver in my heart.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Here's the deal, she's looking for something she didn't think she could get from you. I guarantee he is just being nice, and listening, and doing some things she thinks you weren't doing. It's a distraction because for some odd reason he looks attractive right now. It's not long-lasting.
That's why you have to get do the things she needs, and it has to be real, you can not fake it - she'll see right through that.
As I've been told in my thread today, give her space and time, and show her the 180's from a distance and she'll see you in a different light. We have to remember this isn't on our time, she's in control...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Well i'm trying to do that by our weekly thing. The issue I was having before was that she couldn't see changes I was making because she never got curious.
She's not curious now really. She still thinks this is all an act and that I can't change. I told her to hide and watch. Well her allowing me to attend the weekly horse training is her way of doing it from a distance.
My biggest fear is not being enough. I've back to being very frightened.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Stop being frightened, put the PMA into action, and don't worry about what you think she's seeing. She's seeing! If she said, "I don't think you can change, I think it's all an act" that means, I want to see if you can change!
Shoot, I can't even see my wife, I have to depend on her family to relay information to her - wanna talk about not knowing if your W is seeing? That's the extreme. But I know she's getting some good reports, or I truly feel we'd be done already.
Stay positive - imagine getting new family pictures together this summer when everything works out - it works. I get a smile on my face every time I think about doing that with my fam.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Stay positive - imagine getting new family pictures together this summer when everything works out - it works. I get a smile on my face every time I think about doing that with my fam.
It's funny you say that JR. I want to treat myself to professional portraits of my kids and me. Thought about inviting her, but didn't want to scare her off.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
