Quote: "Incidentally, what do you mean by processing?"
BOTH of you having a foundational understanding of the underlying issues, AND a plan for recovery.
If she won't attend counseling with you, then I strongly recommend that you see to your finances and speak with an attorney regarding your legal options. Basically, develop an exit strategy. Then sit on it until you need it.
You don't have to withdraw from her, but you do need to become "lovingly detached", and realize that while you may want her, you don't need her. There is a difference.
She needs to get fully engaged in the marriage, and that appears to be something she has never really done. You can only "attract" her so far, at some point in time, she will have to face her responsibility to be in or out. That will likely require a push from you, even if it means she moves the wrong way.
I know she is back home and embarrassed, but she hasn't stopped looking over the fence.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
