I am feeling overwhelmed today so its time to get stronger. I do see where his drinking has and is going to continue to affect our M~ SAD really.

Today he is back to work and he had been drinking for days straight and he is feeling ok but his body is weak... I was calling him back to give him directions and he said I was making his heart race,,,, sure maybe I was frustrating him but he also was not listening to me and getting grumpy right away. He does not apparently corralate his body being run down with his lack of patience.

I have always had to subject myself to his moods and he does not see it or only occasionally apologizes for it.

He has always been trying to help everyone ( he has financially supported his 2 siblings their fanilies and his parents for years NOT totally but too much)and fix everything for everybody and for years I told him to stop to take time for himself and for us ( our Family) and to stop trying to take care of the world and he did not listen .

NOW he is tired ,,,he himself told me,,, I AM TIRED HONEY!

..... and he is trying to make up for it by "relaxing"/DRINKING. IT SEEMS~
AND SO, He is hurting himself in the process, what he needs is sleep and healthy foods to feel better. I am so proud of who he is but he still does not love himself enough! He let others weakness suck him in to SAVE them. When they clearly had capabilities to SAVE themselves. He only told me 'cause he was mad the other day, well furious and ballistic actually, that his MOM wants a brand new truck. Even I do not request such things and I am his WIFE.

BREAKS my heart really cause she has been doing this for years and he always comlpied and said "he would give them as much as he wanted" when I would say save for our children for our future, I would tell him only give what you can and not out of greed but out of love for him. SO, he told me this mad him angry that she is not happy with the truck he gave her and put money into also. I felt so bad for him and I am proud of myself for never using the term "well you spoiled her to begin with,,,"

I just felt bad for him. I hope he has finally come to see he is HUMAN and cannot take care of more than he is humanly able. WE had many problems in the past with him giving too much and then we would be broke when work got SLOW~

I am going to try to do more today and get feeling good...
God bless....