W is trying hard, I suppose even though I have not been acknowledging this verbally to her, I recognize her effort, and this has had an impact on me.
I came home a bit earlier than W from work and made supper again. I have been making a lot, but am not keeping score. I was hungry and don't mind making supper, especially if the kids are around, then they will come and sit at the table with us for a few minutes while they devour their food!
I still feel anxious if W is delayed from work or is late showing up. She was a little late, but it wasn't as bad a feeling as in the past.
After dinner I was absolutely bagged, I know she dislikes it when I have a nap, so I went in the bath, and had a nap in there. I came upstairs and chatted with her for a bit (admitting I had a nap) at the kitchen table. Certain things happen to us guys when we wake up from a sleep, one thing led to another, and we ended up lovemaking.
We each did separate activities for a couple hours after that. When I came back home I asked to talk about our R before bed. It was a good chat. I explained that I was feeling more positive than last week, however I still feel a need to guard my trust and feelings closely. W talked about things that bothered her, her C sessions, and listened.
I said that I really appreciated the effort she was making in our R. I told her that I felt there would be plenty of ups and downs in the weeks and months to come, so I did not think it was going to always be easy. I think I have serious issues to work through in C for myself, and that it will be a real challenge.
So C for me tonight. It kind of puts a different spin on things, but I do want to deal with some core issues, in regard to my feelings.
IS 49 W 47 S 21 D 19 S 16 M 24y Together 31y EA Mar04-May 06 PA Feb06-Jun06 EA May07 Bomb Dec 28 07
Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden. T. S. Eliot
