Its amazing... I am starting to live...

[COG]

Ali,

YOU are on solid ground!

I never hold grudge and I am not doing this to play I just want more RESPECT! I am real made of Flesh and Blood and he needs to put me first like I put him first,, me above all others in body heart and soul

Oh ya! You just keep up that attitude, because you are right on the money. He's got to be trained, taught, coached, and you've got to be strong and determined, yet soft and loving. It's Round 3 is a 15 round fight. You are bloodied, tired, sweaty, but you've got to keep on fighting. He's throwing you right hooks and left jabs, and he's hurting you. But who's stronger? Who's smarter? Who's above all the anger, selfishness, fear, and anxiety? YOU are, that's who!

I have fought long and hard , fought back the demons that make me want to throw my hands up and just give up on this and HIM

That was your internal battle, and you are winning by a landslide. But no doubt those demons will continue to haunt you into the future. Be ever vigilant to keep them at bay.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH~ he was making progress but he needs to let go of this attitude of somehow I need to keep proving myself to him~ LIKE I am not enough and I need to be supernatural.

You should'nt have to live that way Ali, just as HE should'nt. You might want to make a nice list of these things you want to change. Then create a stratedgy to accomplish the changes.

Ali, your H goes to bars, he drinks alot. That's not normal, it's not healthy, and his drinking is a MAJOR obstacle in your R. It's the reason he fly's off the handle, and becomes so critical and demeaning. Again I'll just mention alanon. It would help you tremendously.

I dunno it really doesn't matter to me but how is it that I am always kept under lock and key?

He's trying to control you. He's afraid you'll find someone else, cheat on him. It's very selfish really. You've never given him any reason to not trust you. Again I'll say, YOU are on solid ground, stay put.

I want him to treat me like the beautiful Woman he will tell me that I am

Okay, so that's something you really need to tell him when you have your talk with him. Tell him what you want, need, and expect of him.

I will never know what drives him to surrender to being cruel

There's probably pain in his heart, from long ago. He does'nt know how to heal, so he just kills the pain with alchohol. He needs more and more and more. He hates it, but he has to have it. And every once in awhile, the frustration of having to live this way just explodes in him, and you are an easy target. He's sick Ali, he needs some professional help.

One day this will be right. I know it will

I know it too! Where there's a will there's a way.

Keep fighting the good fight!

Love,

COG