Posting less but that is a good thing. Life is upbeat lately.
I got the kids for most of June and we are catching up. Nice to have the extra time. We will be leaving for Gatlinburg next week and stopping at Chattooga for a few days on the way back. Same as last year but that is what the kids want to do. Should be fun.
I feel good. Dropped 10 of the 15 pounds I gained since end of last summer. Still want to lose those five so I am not embarrassed at the swimming pool.
Big news: I met with stbx yesterday at the house for a mini mediation session (without a mediator) to discuss the D settlement. Stbx got a small dog; had it for a few weeks now. For the kids she said but for her too I think. Funny my kids did not mention it. Cute little thing I have to admit. She got it via friend’s litter so she did not just get one to keep her company while I have the kids. But I think the timing is good for her here. Better than an OM to keep her company I guess.
The “mediation” went much better than expected. The last time she threw everything back in my face. This time she was very reasonable. I think all this DB stuff and communication skills paid off. Rather than argue, I used “I feel” statements and listened.
When we discussed finances I told her what I felt was fair. At one point she asked about the house; she was thinking of staying there. To tell the truth the thought of a new house appeals to me so I said I would be open to that. But as the discussions progressed I caught myself becoming angry. Why should I move? I already moved to an apartment to give her space and now I have to clear out completely while she does nothing?
But rather than get angry I just told her how I felt. I said to be honest I wanted her to move and part of the reason was I hated what she was doing to us and that I felt she needed to feel some of the pain here. Interestingly she responded well to that honesty. If fact when I said that I felt that I have done more than what was required here, she agreed under her breath; “I know you have”. So she said she would move out and I will buy her half of the equity.
We discussed bank accounts and she said mine was larger that hers. I said I did not understand that b/c she has no house or car payment; where is the money going? She admitted she was not on a budget and that she did give some money to her sister so she agreed not to divide the extra in my account. She also agreed we both keep our own retirement accounts, good for me b/c mine is higher than hers (she will work longer than I will so she will catch up, but it was more than fair of her to do that – a concession for the 40/60 custody split I think).
We also discussed parenting provisions and she listened this time without argument. This is her hot button topic. We were discussing joint legal custody and she did throw out the term controlling – “all I want is control”. Instead of reacting I stated that control was not the issue – I am the father here, signing away my rights via a power of attorney like clause in the provisions was a non-starter. I want my day in court if it comes to that; I will not sign now giving her final say in all matters (as the current temporary provisions state). She said she would discuss this with her lawyer.
At the end of the day I got the house, my bank account and my retirement account. Custody split 40/60 which I can live with. The parenting provisions are close but still work to do.
With luck I will be divorced before the end of summer.
Yes folks, luck. I am ready. I did all I could here. This is a path she must take and I cannot “control” that.
As I was leaving we embraced and I kissed her. She smiled big time. As I drove off I looked at her in my rearview mirror. There she was, holding her new dog, with a sad look. Just like a scene out of Casablanca.
