H and I had an R talk yesterday afternoon and are trying to work on things. He explained further what he meant about not knowing whether he loved her. The long and short of it is that when I asked him to not have any further contact with her, his mind often wondered what could have been and was left to wonder about whether anything could have been between them if we hadn't worked out. I can understand this, as when you do not have something, you can only wonder about it and see it through rose coloured glasses. He says is committed to me and the children, although the word that keeps coming up is 'his responsibility'. He doesn't want to move all his things back here yet, as he wants to be more sure. Sounds like a little lack of commitment and a whole lot of unsurity to me. Be patient and watch the small steps I guess.
Well I think I'm getting back to my usual self right now. The thoughts of him having feelings for the OW are still lurking around in my head, although I try to push them aside whenever they show up. I am focusing on me, my son and my unborn baby right now. H gets attention too, but we come first. Just trying to act 'as if'.
H and I are getting back to a happy place and have not let the last couple of days set us back too much. We've started leaving eachother little fun notes, which lightens the atmosphere a lot and makes us laugh, which is important.
