NikkiB #16

[NikB]

Hi ST and Nick,

Thanks for checking in!

ST
haha I hadn't even thought about that "driving me nuts" comment in that context.

Had a pretty good end to my work trip! The meeting itself was way too long (7 hours with a 5 minute break to make sandwiches from cold-cuts they brought in, that was it - sheesh!). Tonight I didn't go out with coworkers because I already had dinner plans with my bro (got home just a few minutes ago). Next time I may try to stay 2 nights if the company will spring for it. Most of my coworkers are in the other office so we mostly work via phone and it'd be nice to have a night to socialize. My bro and I went out for Polish food at this really cute family owned restaurant in San Francisco. I've never had Polish food (beyond the obvious Polish sausage) so that was neat. And as always it was great to catch up with my bro. I guess my sitch and my dad's kind of shook him and his W up a lot. 6 months ago things seemed "ok but shaky" - in fact we had a long serious talk shortly after H dropped the bomb and my bro was pretty shocked. I still remember him saying "Oh my God we all have the same problems!! Why don't we fix them in time?" I gave them 5LL for Christmas and they both liked it a lot. Today they seem very happy and are even talking kids in the near future. Very cool!! (and not "kids to fix this," but "kids because we're secure and ready"). All good stuff.

Nick
SO well said, thanks!! I hadn't thought of it that way, we BOTH need for me to invest in the happiness actually. Who wants to come home wondering if they're going to be attacked for stuff? No one right?

I do notice when I TOTALLY back off he tries to "guess" my needs and does things like telling me where he is, who with, calls her less because he "thinks" it's important to me. Kind of funny that he'll do it if he figures it out himself, but if I express it directly I seem to push him INTO doing it more. Will need to give that s'more thought.

Had an interesting night - as I mentioned had a great dinner with my bro, and left for home way later than I should have. I had told H I'd call when I was on the way - and I tried. No answer. Called an hour later, no answer. Where did my mind go? Straight to "Damn it he's with HER again." SHEESH!! I have not felt this out of control since the early months of my sitch. BUT in good news, I snapped out of it much quicker. I realized the quickest way to drive him away was to keep reacting to this stuff - heck if I'm going to accuse him of inappropriate behavior, why not just go all the way right?? (not that I even have THAT much control but I can see where it'd drive him to "live up" to my bad expectations, if that makes sense). So I decided to treat him as trustworthy, respectful, doing the right thing - and act "as if" for now, if I have to. 15 minutes or so later he called me back and we had a nice light convo about each others' nights - he told me where he was, who with, asked about my day etc. Yay!! I was proud I snapped out of the bad mood so quickly.

When I got home he was already in bed but awake so we exchanged some nice kisses. Then he said "You forgot to leave me a note on how to take care of the dog and the fish." I said "Oh, did you need a note? I'm sorry, thought you had it down." H said "Well you always leave a note so I thought you would." I took the opportunity to boost his ego a bit... "Well babe I know you're good, so I knew you could handle it." So how funny is that? I did a 180 without even knowing it, leaving the control to him instead of helping him handle it while I was gone. Not a huge deal, but I always kind of smile when I do an accidental 180 because it shows a true change on a deeper level, I think.

Hope everyone's doing well.