OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

[andyv]

ATGB,

How are things with you at the moment?

I thought I had detached, and was GALing, but the thought of selling the house, moving, signing papers etc, just got me down again. All this lumped via a phone call today with W. She could have told me tonight.

I was feeling great this weekend, as soon as W see's that she knees me in the gut.

After our convo, I still sense that she is furious with me (in regards to "making her" admit to the R with OM). I sort of tricked her into admitting it.

But thanks for your advice, I can always give good advice, but seldom do I practice what I preach (for this sitch anyway).

[Astimegoeson]

This is my analogy. I think it is easier for a person (mainly women) to commence another PA, if she has had previous partners before marriage. My W has only had me for 17 years, what do you think? Maybe I am being naive.

Don't mean to sound pessimistic or negative here, but I would think it would be more of a motivator than not. Please don't take me the wrong way, but what if in her mind, she thinks she's missed out on something? You know, the grass is greener on the other side BS!

My waw is involved with an ex-fiance from 15 years ago so my situation is a little different and probably less hopeful than yours since she's already experienced this Man and at one point wanted to marry him long before I came around. There is more to it than that, but it' s very complicated.

If I had my choice of which scenario I'd have a better chance of reconciliation with, I choose a OM that she has no history with.

[andyv]

Yes, I can be naive at times.

Have you had opportunities to move on since the M breakdown?

Also, would you want your W back after all that has happended?

Sorry to probe.

[Astimegoeson]

Your situation is progressing a little faster than mine did. I think I had more time to process it and organize what had to be done than you do. In that regard, you have my sympathy. It can be overwhelming.

Your going to have your ups and downs through this process. There is no way around the pain accept to go through it. Accept it will be that way, but the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride level out over time. There will be longer and longer time frames between the down periods. Trust me on that one.

I've found that it's really the strength of mind over matter that speeds the healing process along. No matter what, you can't get into that mind set of being the victim. That will slow you down and keep those ugly emotions bottled up inside.

You have to convince yourself you will be fine no matter how this turns out.

[WAW in the OC]

Andyv,

I too was my wife's first and only physical encounter. Unfortunately I truly believe that ended this year w/ OM. I don't want you to think your wife is capable of it too. But my wife was a devout catholic, strong family and devoted mom. An e-mail I found stated they had a wonderful time spending the night together in a hotel. I don't think they were just talking.

I believe our wives are trying to relive their youth they believe they missed out on w/ us. Their "experimentation". I only hope for both our sakes it ends w/ only one OM and not a dozen. Everyone is telling me that what they are doing is living a fantasy that won't last. I hope they're right.

[andyv]

Thanks guys,

Yes, I think that is the secret. In the end everything will be fine, whether it is together or not.

And WAW, I hope we can ride this thing out, I will ride "shotgun" with you, and we will both see it through.

[Astimegoeson]

Have you had opportunities to move on since the M breakdown?

Also, would you want your W back after all that has happended?

Yes, I have had the opportunity to move on since the M breakdown. I have settled into a routine and new lifestyle as a bachelor once again. I am content and much more independent than I've been in some time. I've really had some fun over the last 6 or 7 months and have done some things I've been wanting to do for a long time personally and professionally.

That second question is not easy to answer and I'd be lying if I said I had a definite answer to it. I can say there was a time not so long ago where I would have taken her back without question, but that's not the case now. I would have to do some serious soul searching to come to a conclusion on that.

[WAW in the OC]

I'd be happy to drive! My wife's always wanted to go to Australia. Perhaps when this sh$t is over we'll make a trip down under and we can share a shrimp on the Barby.

Keep up your PMA. From what I can tell you've got a great attitude. Sooner or later the W will see it and realize what she has/had. If not, there's always her stunner friend(that would really get her going).

[Astimegoeson]

If not, there's always her stunner friend(that would really get her going).

<evil grin>.... You know, that stunner friend has me thinking to. But naw... that's not the way to go about it. If it backfires you could pay dearly!

The first thought through my head when I found out about waw's affair was to nail her best friend to get back at her. It was revenge motivated and I pretty certain I could have seduced her. It's that devil on your right shoulder talking, don't listen to him.

[andyv]

ATGO,

Yes, I understand where you are coming from. The last time I spoke to W about R (during a backslide a few weeks ago), I told her that I would forgive and forget everything that has happended, even PA with OM. She look up quickly and responded "Yeah right".

This was an MLC get out clause for her to return. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I would renege on that offer if she took it.