OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

[andyv]

Hey Husband,

Don't feel bad about your sitch, its great news. I am so happy for you, just keep doing what you are doing.

She wants DD with her, but she said that she would be fair with the custody (due to my differing working hours and days).

I suppose I do have a little more time on my side (re house sale etc). W also mentioned that due to the extreme stress (and now a medical condition due to this) she wants to take a week off in July to "get away". I sort of joked and said, "Great, DD would love to go with you". You can just imagine her reply.

The thing is, I know she is going with OM, and it will annoy me that I will be funding this trip.

[WAW in the OC]

I feel your pain. Or at least I will. I found e-mail my wife is preparing to serve me papers for separation. She is out of town this week on business and will be meeting OM for a romp.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What about your wife's BF that is hot and 24? My wife has no hot friends that like me. You were doing so well with GAL and not discussing the OM. I certainly hope things turn around soon. Perhaps the honeymoon phase will wear off.

My wife is already planning wedding dates w/ OM for 2009! WTF! I hope all these HW and OM/OW one day get theirs in hell! They know exactly what they are doing and it sucks big time! I've only been doing DB for 3 weeks but it feels like a year. Too bad there isn't a hit squad LBS could hire to make life miserable for OM/OW. That would be great! Ruin credit, get them fired, destroy their rep(oh that's right, they don't have one!). I'd hire them in a minute!

[andyv]

NS4U,

How funny all our sitches are playing out the same. I suppose this is the rollercoaster ride.

But who knows, things can change and often do with time. I just have to manage to slow mine down a touch (without pissing wife off even more by prolonging it, and her eventually taking me to the cleaners in the D).

[andyv]

Hi WAW, long time no hear.

My thoughts exactly, WTF. How did you find out about the wedding?

It's only separation my friend, please don't stress too much (I know its hard). You just have to fly low for now and hope that the R with OM fizzles out. Just don't make my mistakes with the snooping (which I did early on), the least you know the better.

It is so hard to DB when you know all these things. It plays into the hands of the OM.

[andyv]

Also, my W told me that her best friend thinks that I may be too old for her, but she still finds me attractive and interesting. I don't know why my W would tell me this and I don't know why they would discuss this?

My W also told me today (as she rang me with her good news re house sale, divorce papers etc) that her best friend had an excellent time with me.

She is also coming out with me and my friends next Wed night, she sounded pretty keen. She is even missing out on her Kick boxing class with W to come out.

But yes WAW, she is a stunner.

And really smart to.

[Dr LOve]

hey andyv

I have seen threds here that even after a year apart things can get back togeather. You will ALWAYS be connected because of your D.

" W told me that her best friend thinks that I may be too old for her,"
Ya right sounds like the W is trying to put ya down. Remember thatfuzzy feeling. Smile.. Like a fine wine. Hey I live in Sonoma County, California. I know my wines. Got to go catch some Z's I 'll be at work in 6 hours. In 3 more days then my son and I are off 4 wheeling,fishing and playing hard.

Bye
Husdand

[andyv]

Thanks bud, much appreciated.

[WAW in the OC]

Regarding the wedding, I am guilty of snooping e-mails. This was before I knew how much it hurts to find out the truth. You are correct, the less you know the better.

I've spoken to a few friends and many have stories of people coming to their senses after separation(and experimentation). I pray your wife comes to her senses during this time and realizes the good thing she has w/ you. My employee even told me of her uncle taking back his wife after 16 yrs apart and each marrying another person. The wife was to blame for going on a terrible MLC. But they are on the mend. Happy endings do occur. Keep DBing.

[Astimegoeson]

Don't look for or expect a response from W by your actions. This will frustrate the hell out of you. I know it's hard to accept, but this process can take a long time to play out. Your really going to start questioning your reasons for holding out here eventually with the way you are approaching this. Your still so very early in this process and your going to need your emotional strength to battle this.

You have to GAL and stop obsessing over OM. All things are possible in time, but for right now, you have to have the mind set that for all intensive purposes, your M is over. Only when you can achieve this mind set and new lifestyle will reconciliation be possible. Your W can't see you the way you use to be. You have to be as new and interesting to her as the OM is now.

There are no guarantees and there may never be a reconciliation. If that's the case, then your going to have to be in a position to heal from this and move on. DB'ing is not only a tool to help save your marriage, it's something that can save yourself.

18 months is only how long I've been physically separated. I've been emotionally separated from stbx for 2 years. I battled hard and long to save my marriage and family. It took it's toll on me. If it were not for these DB'ing principals, I would have prolonged the agony of this experience for much longer than I did.

Lesson learned.... Save yourself FIRST!

[andyv]

Thx WAW,

We both just have to ride it out, and hope for the best. I suppose when we restrict them from seeing thier OM's, the euphoria intensifies.

We have to block out the inevitable, and let them experiment. If it is just a bandaid solution to their problems, the more interaction they have with them, the more probability that it may fizzle out.

Also, with my W's OM, he is only just turned 27. I just wonder how long he will continue with my W after they consumate their R (or how long he will wait).

She has been having ongoing problems with excessive bleeding for several weeks (she had the same thing a few years ago, don't know the exact cause other than stress), so I don't think that they would have had an opportunity to take that final step (I could be wrong).

She is very shy and embarrassed about her body (I love it, but she is self conscious of her stretch marks after having DD). I have been her only sexual partner, it will be harder for her to take that next step with someone else, regardless of her feelings towards him.

This is my analogy. I think it is easier for a person (mainly women) to commence another PA, if she has had previous partners before marriage. My W has only had me for 17 years, what do you think? Maybe I am being naive.