Good thoughts BeingMe, but it sounds like settling for mediocre. Someday I want a M to thrive with passion again, but for now I'd settle for what you described...if I could even get there.
Wish I had profound words for you Phoenix, all I can think of is sit tall in the saddle and keep your eyes on the horizon.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I've been keeping myself very busy and making sure that I don't go madly chasing after any sign of light. In many ways I think I see W moving in the direction of coming back to normal. Luckily I think there is enough other people relating to W that she doesn't want to pursue the D side, people who have been there, done that, have the T-shirt. Right now I am feeling pretty good about putting it in God's hands, do my part and continue on and enjoy life.
The "wall" these days seems to be not as hard, not as high, however I am waiting to see if she will push it down. I feel the day is coming, but it has to be her choice. In the future, I want her to know it was her choice to stay, remain M and accomplished allot by turning it around.
Have also noticed things such as doing considerate things for me that a year or two ago would not have even been thought of. More open and will to talk about plans and schedules. More supportive of me and more unified in dealing with children. I also see her making quite an effort at not getting irritated at me about things that would have previously would have set her off. Becoming more and more like wife of "yore". I hope in 6 months I can say, "yep, another one busted". However, I know that even with this success, there is still a chance to change her mind and still see her bail.
Hunch in the back of my mind says, "probably not".
I'm working very hard on not getting focused on the long drawn out process. It tends to get me down when I focus on it. If I can just focus on accomplishing things in life, I can keep things up beat. A very long weekend, extremely busy. I was glad to see what was a sign of appreciation this morning on something I did.
Hard not to focus on the reality of what this is. Ya suppose that is why GAL is so important? I had one of those 'wear me out' weekends too, it's only 8pm and here I am sitting around at the computer. The TV is on, there's a new show called XWives Club. Wow, some nasty stuff, but it does seem to have a way of helping the LBS deal with starting a new life. I should check out how to apply.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Nice to be appreciated, 'eh, Phoenix! Just gives one a good feeling inside when one's significant other says thanks for something done.
Onward and upward, my friend!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
As much as I would like to be spending my time doing special things for W, I think I've come to the conclusion that perhaps that's not all really that productive. If that what W wants from me, then it's great, but if the heals are dug in it wouldn't matter what I do. W seems to be doing the right things, because they are right, however not really going for the full change/commitment since that would mean exactly that. So, like many here, I'm waiting for the W who is ready for full commitment. In a positive note, I do feel like I'm doing the right thing and there continues to be positive movement.
For now I am working on improving my R with my kids, improving my career, serving others and keeping my own life on track, be it GAL or hobbies. Did a sports event on Saturday that I have not done in over a year and a half, took second. Have also been trying to do more with sons, so that they have a good role model in their life. Also, if things go south, I want them to at least have positive memories of our times together. I feel that I have done a good job at this.
You are doing awesomely, Phoenix! Congratulations on the sports event.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Just gives one a good feeling inside when one's significant other says thanks for something done. 
Have also been trying to do more with sons, so that they have a good role model in their life. Also, if things go south, I want them to at least have positive memories of our times together. I feel that I have done a good job at this.