When's it my turn?

[SDFoundGirl]

Hi guys---

Thanks for your responses. I kind of read them and let them "marinate" for a while. I've been lurking a lot, doing little posting, and just taking the time to really ponder my sitch and figure out what's going on. I brought the whole situation up with the MC today, and it was incredibly empowering.

I told H exactly how I was feeling, how right now I had no interest in sex, and how I'd felt violated last time. Through the facilitation of the MC, I finally was able to explain (and H to see) how his job was interfering with making US a priority. I told him I felt like I wasn't important to him and neither was our R. I told him I felt like I'd learned that my M should always be my priority and I was doing so as a result of last summer's bomb. I also told him how I thought I felt a lot like him before he dropped the bomb on me.

So, essentially MC told him that if the M was important to him, that's what he'd place his time/energy on instead of work. And, though I didn't drop the bomb (It was sooooo tempting after you posted that, Rob!), I think H got the big hint that he's f&cking up and I want more from my M.

Will it effect a change? I don't know. That's up to H. I do know that unless he makes our M his priority, I'm not more than a year for the M. I'll give him a year--not to be perfect, but to be present and putting the M first--and then I'm gone.

I hope H chooses the M, but that's his choice to make. I suspect some of what is making this difficult to him is a mild MLC, but that's not an excuse. I'm about the same age and dealing with some of the same issues myself, and I still choose to put my M first.

I think that's fair. I also feel SO good that I've been able to say these things to H...I would have just hidden my feelings from him in the past because my feelings were less worthy in my mind. I feel empowered by DBing, by discovering who I am, and choosing rather than needing H.

I wonder how many piecing couples find themselves in this flip flop....

SD