Your W has wanted to keep this "between the two of you" because she doesn't like what she's hearing from everyone. She may be trying to get hold of this pastor to tell her side of the story--but that's OK because it still gives him the opportunity to set her straight.
She's embarrassed by her own actions--they don't match up with the person she wants people to believe she is, and it is cramping her style.
Again, she may want you to go with her to IC in order that her counselor can convince you this is a bad marriage. So that you will go along and tell everyone its mutual. Well, its not. You can DB the counselor right along with W. "I understand that this is what she wants. It's not what I want, but I can't make a marriage all by myself. I'm very sad that our daughters will have to go through this, but I want to make sure we make it as easy as possible on them."
