Regarding the comment "you did not fight hard enough..." I have heard that too, and nearly fainted. Unbelievable.
But (trying not to get caught in the trap of analyzing) I can see it from THEIR perspective (not the one I agree with, of course).
In my case, I think it's said with the intention of spreading guilt and blame for the demise of the M and the end outcome - "this wasn't just my fault, you were holding the knife too." While they're heaping and avoiding guilt, it's just one more thing to avoid b/c taking the sole blame for a horrific turn is hard (not much sympathy, don't worry!).
I also think partly, they really DO feel that way. And I say this, b/c I have felt that way, too. As with all of us, when the bomb is first dropped, we go through an intense period of self-reflection and self-blame. We take inventory of all our transgressions in the M, and work to change, feverishly. While we feel badly, there is also an undercurrent of disbelief...."what? I know I wasn't the best W, but you weren't supposed to walk away from me. You were not supposed to give up. You were supposed to believe in me and stand by my side as I changed for better."
I know this is presumptuous, but it's also the reason why we feel that so much of this is "unfair" even when we know that we were not our best, either. We expected them to stand and try. They did not.
Now, when they say things like this...I can't help but to wonder if it's a similar sentiment. "But, I know I was horrible, but I was "sick".....didn't you take me for better/worst? I wanted you to be the lighthouse..you have up on me and the M." I also suspect that it's out of regret, too.
Who knows....but it's just like you said W2S....hearing the same things they said years ago, but returned.
