Sorry to see yet another mlc survivor complete a D. But you know you are the survivor and he is the casualty. It is not surprising that this step in the process is causing you to wonder "what if".
Most of us did/do/will. Holidays will bring this feeling back also. But you will work through it with less stress each time. I know some try to come back after the D. I think it is more difficult for them, and for the LBS than many posts on this forum indicate. There is huge guilt the mlc didn't handle well during the crisis, and they would struggle badly to handle it after the D also. Some may try.
Right now you secretly feel you would try to accept a real apology from someone appearing to be your old H. Your old H is not likely to show up any time soon. If the mlc tried to come back to you, he would be changed a lot by this whole experience and you may not want him. We have all read that they forget things they said and did during the crisis.
I recently read posts by someone who's WAS seems to be coming out of the mlc tunnel only to blame the LBS for not "fighting harder for the M". Excuse me ... we crawled, begged, wanted to die, had to let go and start our life over ...
If your H became one of those coming out of mlc only to blame you further for the damage he created ... what would he be good for and why would you go through more of the same insanity?
I know you wish you had that option, and I hope one day you get it. I won't be surprised in a year to see you back here updating us on the fact that you have met someone really very special and moved on, only to get a phone call from a crying xH. Your post will probably include a common theme "too little too late".
Imagine how sad and surprised they are to hear the same words we heard when we were fighting so hard to save something they were so determined to end.
Chin up. Take the high road. Live for today and tomorrow, not yesterday.
