RCR, I am a very big fan of yours! I just love your posts! You are always so very logical in your comments, its very tough to argue with you, or disagree! With that being said, let me say some things about your comments. Apologies are SO IMPORTANT to people, believe me when I tell you this, I work with the public daily and in situations that can escallate very quickly. An apology relaxes people and helps to lower thier guard, even if you are not in the wrong. With that being said, I definately think that the offending party, the MLCer, definately owes an apology. What you said about them maybe doing it or not, that is a different matter and yes you are right, you shouldn't expect it. I personnally don't think they should accept or entertain the thoughts of reconsilliation until that is done, I still think there will be problems on down the road. I agree that time is probably key here, I think in time they are sorry for what they have done. When you talk about reconnection, you use the word UNTIL, I admire your optimism, but with that being said, I do think there are many out there who do not attempt to reconsile, even with the best DBing efforts, for whatever reason. As for what I have seen with MLC, well I guess that I am a two time vet! LOL My father went through one when I was a kid and took off and left us high and dry, I can remmber us having to move, because he quit his job, or got fired, and spent the next couple of years chasing after his "soulmate" and my family suffered a great deal as a result. "still trying to get over that one, this only adds fuel to the fire" I see some differences and simillarities between my XW and my father, same crazy ideas, chasing after what doesn't exist, feeling that what they are doing is not wrong. I have seen a LOT of MLC behaviour in my life RCR, more that I wish upon anyone. With that being said, I do realize that every situation is different. As for what I have seen with MLCers sorry for what they have done, well, in hindsight I did overlook the before mention 2 posters, sorry about that! I guess that AMYC is the only one that I have seen that has truly went after her husband, which brings me to this point; I am not convinced that "providing a safe place" is always the best way to go with an MLCer. Case in point; AMYC's husband has not provided her with "a safe place" in fact, he has argued with her many times against reconsiliation. ( Not to take anything away from your progress in the situation AMY) I feel its different with men, I think that a woman that goes through this seriously damages her hubands pride and ego, BIG WORDS for men, take it from me! I think the woman MLCer must give the "stick" back to her man, (AMY, you are doing that, slowly, but surely) I think the woman must provide the "safe place" for the male MLCer, as I think its important for him to feel loved and reassure him that he won't be ridiculed or judged for the things he has done. Again, just a little ol opinion from me! Great post RCR!!!
