Questions for all the "Cheated"

[cat03]

oh hon, I just read your last post in piecing. You sort of know my sitch, it takes months and months to piece, after almost a yr I got my first ILY. I know the deployment is extra hard on you and him at this stage.

Without his presence and reasurance fear is crippling you, know that, face it, slay that fear!

Why, after his EA when 1st son was not even 2, one-night stand after that and then EA again during D sitch, can I still respect myself?

hon, it was not about you, it was about him trying to feel a void, not about hating you.

however, how can I ever look at my HUSBAND the same again after everything he has said and done to me.

We've all been hurt horribly, and had to ask ourselves: can I forgive him/her? If you say yes then you MUST decide to forgive, will you forget? not likely, but in time you recall without condemnation. You've read about that in the piecing forum. It takes a lot of will, but in time the hurt and the memories of the As and S fades.

You can either recall with anger constantly what happened and depen the gap between you two or you say to yourself when the painful memories come "That hurt and it was awful, but I have forgiven him". You choose the way you want to feel. You want to feel humiliated and hurt? then relive the most painful memories w/a vengance.

DO I think about the A, ow and the stuff they did? every day, but less often and without the kick in the gut as before. Where I used to think about it most of my waking hrs now I think about it 25% - 15% of the time. I won't fuel resentment and refuse to let the anger and unforgiveness to rob me of what can be a good r w/my H.

You both have changed, and yes, it is like starting to know each other again. No, I didnt' cheat on my H, but I did hurt him as bad by disrespecting him, rejecting him, making him feel he wasn't #1 in my life. I too am at fault and have no right to only remember his mistakes.

You want him to jump through hops to earn your forgiveness. Forgiveness is freely given, like grace, you can't earn it. So, forgive, like our Father in heaven has forgiven you, 70 times 7.