Pretty Much Done

[built4speed]

I appreciate all the sentiment that it's the revisionist history speaking. I had forgotten that is such a part of this. I understand she has to justify doing this horrible thing to me and her kids. So it makes sense in her head.

It doesn't feel like MLC. More like just trying to find herself in the world after having been 10 years in a role that she says she didn't want (stay at home mom). The really interesting part will be after she trys to do better in a new R (she tells me she had Rs that worked much better than ours - both very long term, but in high school and college - not really representative of real life), and then realizes I was pretty dang good. By then it will be too late...

She was not perfect at doing nice things for me, but not bad enough that I really could complain. For most of the M she was trying. She threw an incredible 40th b-day party (Surprise!) for me. I still have the plant on my desk with the card in it from our 10th anniversary with an appropriately mushy saying that she wrote. It was good. But there were times when I'd ask her to do things that she just couldn't. It made it feel like it was too much for her to do them for me. It was a strain. And too often she was unappreciative of the efforts I made for her. And you just read about what she did when I lost my job, so there that is.

So, yeah, she feels that the whole thing was wrong. Obviously that is not true. But there were times when it was obvious we were on very different wavelengths. And not just her. But I feel that once you're this far in (almost 20 years, three kids), you should at least try to figure it out. But she disagrees, and continues to look for ways to justify that, so here we are.

I'm still way too much in the mind set of: Okay, you wanted this, I hope you choke on it. It will take a long time for me to forgive her for what she is doing to me and the family.