SSM calling Blackfoot, come in blackfoot, Over

[Crazy Eddie]

Eddie, What follows is a list of what not to do. AS you have mentioned, thats ok, but not nearly as helpful as what TO do, after that.

I thought it was more a matter of you neglecting her and giving her no reason to stay in the marriage rather than you not protecting her from her own desire to go to the other man.


Neglect seems to me to be highly subject to interpretation, especially ex post affaire facto. However you are correct. I cut her off emotionally speaking when she 'chose' to react to attraction without awareness. Some manifestations of emotionally cutting off would be cesation of all pillow talk, any conversations about the future, and brushing off any attempts to communicate about what she 'needed'. :dismissive hand wave:

You think that "emotional abandonment" of her partner is the natural and proper response of a person to life and situational changes? It's depressingly common, but that's not a reason to "expect and accept" it... it's a reason to try to prevent and/or correct it, or to move on if it proves impervious to long-term intelligent efforts toward that end.


Proper? Define proper. Its definitely natural. Its the way the brain is designed to manage tasks. Since it is so common, I personally find it better to accept and deal with what is, then fruitlessly rail against what should be. Over the course of a few decades, I dont expect to be attended to all the time. I accept that prior to negotiations.
Eddie, it seems to me from your posts that you have become aware that you emotionally abandoned your W. Was it intentional?

Not in the slightest.

Or did you have your own insecurites, and your own inner space that you were dealing with.
Do you think 3 months is an excessively long time?

It's not desirable. In my case, it went on for longer than that, and if temptation had happened along her path during that time, I don't pretend to any certainty as to what would have happened. Of course, two wrongs don't make a right.

but I recall you saying that you were cutting off affection and attention
I never cut of affection. Good lord man, if I had cut of physicality she probably would have only lasted 2 weeks. hmmm. maybe I should have cut of physicality and kept up the emotional come to think about it... its easier for me to communicate with actions though.

because you wanted to see if she'd seek it elsewhere. Why shouldn't she? If I understood you right, you had promised to supply it to her when you married her and then you cut off her supply without any provocation on her part.


Why shouldnt she. Exactly. I agree. Ill remember that in the future when she emotionally or physically abandons me, for longer then I like..... say.... 3 days ...6 days tops.

Good point. Two wrongs don't make a right. But when she's being faced with temptation, and you're withdrawing the very thing she's tempted to get elsewhere, I don't see how you can then conclude that a lack of jealousy was the main problem on your part. She's got a much more plausible motive than that.

Unless you think M is something other then attraction.

No provocation as determined by whom?

I plan on changing how I deal with it, but personally I consider being required to attend to the fences as provocation. Now if she want me to be an animal, I can do that. Excessively well. Lions,jaguars, mokeys, dolphins,heyenas, gazelles, cows, horses, even the rare shark...dont care for rabbit though. too much trouble not enough meat. LOL.

stealing a line from Mrs. Nop, jealousy games are quite acidic to the R. Hers were admittedly quite intentional, and it never ceases to amaze me how the games dry up and disappear when the realization hits that Play time is over. Its quite amazing while remaining unable to be labled or catagorized. It can only be observed, recognized or lived.

If she want me to be an incorporated human, then thats a two way street. Its a feeling of mine, and I dont control that. In the future my actions will be a conscious choice, however.
Noone tends my fences but me. Its simply not possible, nor would I even consider saddling someone else with that impossible responsibility of controlling someone else. During my monogamous R with x, I tended them in every mental state imaginable, quite often on my own, but deinitely not Alone. Ive had to learn this is not a matter of equivalence.

No,no. My only mistake was devolving into a placating nice guy who wanted to make her happy, put his M before his purpose, and inconceivable had a insecurity that crashed.

OK, so what you're saying is that she seemed to think it was your job to fence her in and keep her from straying, and it continues to be your belief that it is not your job to do that? If so, I would agree with you there. She's not a cow or a dog.