SSM calling Blackfoot, come in blackfoot, Over

[fearless]

Mojo Said:

"...so I'm looking for the guy who is going to be brutally honest about how crazy he is about me pretty much all the time and how crazy he is about my hot *ss on at least a tri-weekly basis..."

Stigmata Replied:

"We ARE still talking about a man here, right?"

Mojo Responded:

Right off the top of my head I can think of at least 3 or 4 guys who do behave this way in their relationships with women that I know, so .....pretty much all I have to do is start acting like those women (which means I have to be much tougher than comes natural to me)."

3 or 4? Hmmm. Yes, I seem to remember once seeing such male or semi-male creature in his adolescent natural habitat. He could be seen in my high school hallways briskly and dutifully shuffling two paces behind the pretty head cheerleader, as she has firmly instructed of him...

Mojo: I've got one of those men and it is GREAT!!

Stigmata:

This brings up a question that has been on my mind with all the continual discussion of Alpha males: Was Reagan an Alpha male? 'cause he was crazy about Nancy and was not shy about letting her know it regularly. He would even sit in the same room with her and write doting letters to her!

Also my Grandfather, Football player (I have a great picture of him in one of the old leather helmets when really TOUGH men played football) and coach and farmer, who was always telling us stories of sneaking out of the house in HS to go fight was also a man who was crazy about his wife and was never shy to let her know in front of anyone who was around. My grandmother told a great story, at Thanksgiving last year, about being stuck on a ladder probably 50+ years ago while a bull sniffed around. She said when Grandfather came to rescue her he said "I guess this bull knows a great piece of azz when he sees one." Probably 5 years ago Grandmother was bending over and Grandfather says out loud "Look at that great Azz." Okay maybe I did not have "normal" grandparents but they loved each other and I loved them!! The two of them were tough people who brought out the best in each other. My grandfather always said that divorce was never an option for them. Murder, maybe but divorce never. It meant to me that emotions might run high but they were committed to each other no matter what.

So in my mind there are plenty of tough guys out there that are not too afraid to admit that they have wonderful wives that they are crazy about. They are confident strong forceful men that feel proud of the most important woman in their life and are not afraid to show it. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. I think a man, and an alpha male especially, KNOWS he picked the right woman and the best woman and wants everyone else to know it too.

I have always found men that were condescending or disrespectful to their wives to be kind of wimps. I mean sheesh YOU picked her and married her and now you cannot do anything but run her down in front of people?? Sorry but nothing manly about that behavior to me. Of course the reverse is true also. I cannot stand to listen to women pick apart their guys either. I mean you are partners and should be building each other up and not tearing each other down. Yeah okay a few jokes are okay if it is crystal clear that each one is okay with the joke but degrading the other in front of people is just uncomfortable to me.

[Stigmata]

Mojo Said:

"I would think that any man who didn't wish to start a career as a psychic (although as I mentioned above you do seem to have the skill-lol)"

You have no idea.

(To one or two other posters I've discussed this with way back when, believe me now?)

Mojo Said:

"I'm curious as to why my statement annoyed you so much. Do you have a difficult time saying stuff like "I am crazy about your hot *ss." even if it is true."

LOL. Well, not annoyed. More tongue in cheek. I'll let my friend BF's own words answer this for me:

blackfoot Said:

"No,no. My only mistake was devolving into a placating nice guy... who wanted to make her happy..."
Thanks, blackfoot. Couldn't have said it better.

Whereas I started out as the mysterious artful dodger who had to be plied with gifts, hot pursuit, and spontaneous pants-ripping BJs to name a few.

Hm. I believe what I did in subsequent years was what can be labeled around here as a 180.

YesIndeed. .The same thing as what happens when a person does a 180 with the barrel of a gun.

-Stigmata-

[SouthernGirl]

SG

When you said I owe you a post, I assumed you meant answering some of my honest questions about the inevitibility of a woman leaving me on my ass. etc. I guess that makes me an ass twice for assuming.

What that the post you wanted? If so, I can deliver. Say the word.

The scientist. you mean the accountant? Lol. The healer is nice. I like that. I prefer to pay for it. quid pro quo. That way I dont have to worry about her opinions of my weaknesses. have a mother as stated previously, no room for another.
It seems I picked the right song. Cats are funny that way, they want it their way, or not at all. Dogs on the other hand you can thump, rub with both hands in alternating motions and generally dont care how they get their attention.
Another interesting thing about cats is that when they mate the males have these sharp reverse facing barbs on their penis. It scraps and drags and lacerates the female, and she (of course) hisses, spits, caterwauls and generally is very angry sounding and threatening looking the whole time. Yet there she remains, available, receptive, accepting. Its the only way her eggs will drop. So does she really hate the pain? or does she love it? Ive always wanted to ask a cat.
I also wanted to ask the Tom, how do you remain so indifferant to her pain. He must be one selfish bast@ard. But it seems to work. got plenty of cats running around.

Smoke and mirrors, my dear. I realize you don't have the first clue about women, blackfoot, but must you make it so painfully obvious? *grin*

Disclaimer: the above is said with friendly SouthernGirlSarcasm and not meant to actually injure vital body parts, especially tender hearts. Although it is true.

*walks off, chuckling to herself*

[fearless]

contented cows never roam.

As someone who grew up on a dairy farm, cows CONSTANTLY roam whether they are content or not. Remember the phrase "the grass is always greener?"

Seriously cows are constantly testing the gates and fences no matter how lush the pasture they are in.

[NOPkins]

Fearless wrote:
"As someone who grew up on a dairy farm, cows CONSTANTLY roam whether they are content or not. Remember the phrase "the grass is always greener?"

Seriously cows are constantly testing the gates and fences no matter how lush the pasture they are in. "

Well, folks, fearless finally feels at home. A two sentence post.

-NOPkins-

[MJontheMend]

"No,no. My only mistake was devolving into a placating nice guy... who wanted to make her happy..."
Thanks, blackfoot. Couldn't have said it better.

I know what you are saying. The thing is there actually are some happy couples out there who like to make each other happy. How does that happen? Are they just naturally happy together? If that is the case then I guess I should just focus on compatability with any future partner rather than working on how I might function in a relationship.

I know that I couldn't "make" my 2bx happy but I tried and he is miserable now that I'm gone. He really didn't try very hard to make me happy, quite the opposite, and I am happier now that he is gone (except to the extent that he continues to make me unhappy by abandoning all financial responsibilities.) Maybe if you are a happy person and you ask somebody to make you even happier it works out okay. Of course, I'm a bit of a romantic. I picture me happily knitting in front of a fire sipping tea wearing my Beyonce t-shirt with a pencil in my hair and ugly old slippers and saying to Hank Stuart with a smile "It would make me very happy if you f*cked my brains out later this evening." Would it be placating if he agreed? (Would the fact that I am wearing ugly old slippers be the deciding factor? (sigh))

[Crazy Eddie]

Eddie, What follows is a list of what not to do. AS you have mentioned, thats ok, but not nearly as helpful as what TO do, after that.

I thought it was more a matter of you neglecting her and giving her no reason to stay in the marriage rather than you not protecting her from her own desire to go to the other man.


Neglect seems to me to be highly subject to interpretation, especially ex post affaire facto. However you are correct. I cut her off emotionally speaking when she 'chose' to react to attraction without awareness. Some manifestations of emotionally cutting off would be cesation of all pillow talk, any conversations about the future, and brushing off any attempts to communicate about what she 'needed'. :dismissive hand wave:

You think that "emotional abandonment" of her partner is the natural and proper response of a person to life and situational changes? It's depressingly common, but that's not a reason to "expect and accept" it... it's a reason to try to prevent and/or correct it, or to move on if it proves impervious to long-term intelligent efforts toward that end.


Proper? Define proper. Its definitely natural. Its the way the brain is designed to manage tasks. Since it is so common, I personally find it better to accept and deal with what is, then fruitlessly rail against what should be. Over the course of a few decades, I dont expect to be attended to all the time. I accept that prior to negotiations.
Eddie, it seems to me from your posts that you have become aware that you emotionally abandoned your W. Was it intentional?

Not in the slightest.

Or did you have your own insecurites, and your own inner space that you were dealing with.
Do you think 3 months is an excessively long time?

It's not desirable. In my case, it went on for longer than that, and if temptation had happened along her path during that time, I don't pretend to any certainty as to what would have happened. Of course, two wrongs don't make a right.

but I recall you saying that you were cutting off affection and attention
I never cut of affection. Good lord man, if I had cut of physicality she probably would have only lasted 2 weeks. hmmm. maybe I should have cut of physicality and kept up the emotional come to think about it... its easier for me to communicate with actions though.

because you wanted to see if she'd seek it elsewhere. Why shouldn't she? If I understood you right, you had promised to supply it to her when you married her and then you cut off her supply without any provocation on her part.


Why shouldnt she. Exactly. I agree. Ill remember that in the future when she emotionally or physically abandons me, for longer then I like..... say.... 3 days ...6 days tops.

Good point. Two wrongs don't make a right. But when she's being faced with temptation, and you're withdrawing the very thing she's tempted to get elsewhere, I don't see how you can then conclude that a lack of jealousy was the main problem on your part. She's got a much more plausible motive than that.

Unless you think M is something other then attraction.

No provocation as determined by whom?

I plan on changing how I deal with it, but personally I consider being required to attend to the fences as provocation. Now if she want me to be an animal, I can do that. Excessively well. Lions,jaguars, mokeys, dolphins,heyenas, gazelles, cows, horses, even the rare shark...dont care for rabbit though. too much trouble not enough meat. LOL.

stealing a line from Mrs. Nop, jealousy games are quite acidic to the R. Hers were admittedly quite intentional, and it never ceases to amaze me how the games dry up and disappear when the realization hits that Play time is over. Its quite amazing while remaining unable to be labled or catagorized. It can only be observed, recognized or lived.

If she want me to be an incorporated human, then thats a two way street. Its a feeling of mine, and I dont control that. In the future my actions will be a conscious choice, however.
Noone tends my fences but me. Its simply not possible, nor would I even consider saddling someone else with that impossible responsibility of controlling someone else. During my monogamous R with x, I tended them in every mental state imaginable, quite often on my own, but deinitely not Alone. Ive had to learn this is not a matter of equivalence.

No,no. My only mistake was devolving into a placating nice guy who wanted to make her happy, put his M before his purpose, and inconceivable had a insecurity that crashed.

OK, so what you're saying is that she seemed to think it was your job to fence her in and keep her from straying, and it continues to be your belief that it is not your job to do that? If so, I would agree with you there. She's not a cow or a dog.

[cac4]

Fearless wrote:
"As someone who grew up on a dairy farm, cows CONSTANTLY roam whether they are content or not. Remember the phrase "the grass is always greener?"

Seriously cows are constantly testing the gates and fences no matter how lush the pasture they are in. "

Well, folks, fearless finally feels at home. A two sentence post.

-NOPkins-

{snicker}

So, to sum up:
tell the cow that she has a nice a$$...but electrify the fence, for good measure.

got it.

[fearless]

CAC4

tell the cow that she has a nice a$$...but electrify the fence, for good measure.

Cute To clarify I don't want to be fenced in at all !! I don't believe it's my boyfriend's or H's responsibility to keep me from "roaming" in the relationship anymore than it's my job to keep them from roaming. The commitment to the relationship/marriage is the prevention.

[fearless]

A two sentence post.

I cannot guarantee it will ever happen again!!