I rest on 1Cor. 10:13 and on other verses that promise that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle,
chocolateeyes. BB and I want to the church "Marriage Enrichment" (ME) pastor.
The thing that helped me the most was one of his 10 common sense thoughts. That advice was to become thick skined and not to let what the spouse says or feelings to get to you.
I used to believe in "God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle" I/we will get through this mess, but look at it differently now. I look at some things as "who said that is the way it is. I will keep my thoughts about do we "get through it" to myself for now.
Some people gain strength believing in "God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle." I have had more success with the get thicker skin approach, combined with thinking, "yes, this sucks but this is what I am presented/given to work out.
The lay "ME" pastor is big on responsibility and advocates dropping almost all of the feelings. I see a correlation between getting a thick skin (drop the feelings) and doing the right thing (being strong), being the family leader.
From the ME book:
Affairs = "a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration"
I Affairs are not new! (2 examples from the O.T. - one good; one bad) A. Joseph & Potiphar's wife. (Gen. 39:1-18) B. David & Bathsheba. (2 Sam. 11:1-27)
II. Why does a person break their marriage vows and engage in an affair? A. Sex? - Nope B. Love? - Nada C. Narcissism? - Rarely D. Anger toward their spouse? - Occasionally E. Unhappiness with one's life? - Usually
III. How do affairs begin? A. The 14 Steps of Unfaithfulness
1. Sharing common interests 2. Comparing with your mate 3. Meeting emotional needs 4. Tinges of dishonesty 5. Flirting and teasing 6. Personal talk 7. Touching 8. Special notes/gifts 9. Inventing excuses to Call 10. Secret meetings 11. Cover ups and deceit 12. Kissing 13. Petting 14. Intercourse
IV Can A Marriage be Saved After an Affair? Yes, emphatically, yes!!!
(Mrs. Choc) A. The 8 Steps Out of an Affair
1. Understand the consequences (Prov. 5:1-14)
2. Confess your sin to God (Psalm 32:1-7)
3. Confess your sin to your spouse (James 5:16)
4. Involve a Godly counselor and become accountable (Prov. 12:15)
5. Starve the source [no contact of any kind with the third party] (1 Cor. 6:16-18 6.
6. Determine to become a disciplined follower of Christ (2 Cor. 5:9)
7. Win back your spouse (make large deposits and few withdrawals) (Eph. 5:22-33)
8. Think Godly thoughts (Phil. 4:8) V.
(Mr. Choc) What Should the Offended Spouse do?
A. Forgive (Mark 11:25-26)
B. Determine if you will stay married. If yes, then continue with the following steps; staying married so that you can torture your spouse is not a Biblical option. (Matt. 19:1-12) - see attached commentary
C. Don't take it personally!!! This affair is not about you or your shortcomings. Our faults are never an acceptable reason for another to sin. (James 1:13-16 & 1 Cor. 10:13)
D. Draw near to Christ (James 4:7-8)
E. With your spouse seek Godly counsel and leadership (Heb. 13:17) F. Put the pain in the proper perspective (Phil. 3:8) G Re careful with your words (Matt. 12:36-37)
{God uses time to heal even the deepest hurts.
Choc, I am not advocating you do any of the above things based on my religious views or beliefs. You have most of the above already. I am posting some ideas that might help you in some areas and to support you.
