Thanks you all you have helped me tremendously.... and yes ( HB)MY PMA is back.... well almost full throttle, feel a litte tired~ I just talked to my girlfriend In Florida,,, the only REAL, TRUE friend I have, besides you all my cyber friends who help me soo ~so much!.... she made me feel awesome and told me to forgive him but not forget it and when he is in front of me again to tell him not to treat me this way! That it is not ok!

I thank you all for your thoughts and I had doubts about posting this POISON,, but I am real and honest and wanted for everyone to know that life isn't always beautiful and it throws some nasty curveballs....

I cant pretend.... it was so very cruel and hurtful... and I dunno how he can be this way. And yes today I am dim... ~~~~WOW~~~

I am just trying to take it easy and now my H keeps calling me and asking me how I am doing???????????????? I had a panic attack last nite and I am just shot today~

He told me to stop thinking about it and everything will be fine,,, to just relax. WTF?????????????????????????

I do believe he needs to stop drinking... he is calling me sweetie and being sweet as can be!!!!!

..... and I am being nice but dry ( I cant pretend he did not hurt me).... he asked me to say all the things she said to him and I said I do not want to talk about it ....

this is too much my nerves are shot.....

he told me it was going to be fine I just shouldn't have gotten involved,,, I said "I know that and when I spoke to you more than anything I just wanted to hear your voice and calm me down cause I was shaking when she called ... not cause I did not trust you but b/c she was calling too much and I was frustrated. I dunno how I thought I could help it is just my Nature to be a nice person even after alL she has done to me,, but I am done now , THIS WAS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY TOOOOOO MUCH FOR ME and I am tired of being nice to people and they aren't to me...."
He did not act like he did yesterday he just said he did not want me to get hurt and to take it easy today!
???????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHY couldn't he have been rational last nite?
GOD BLESS....