Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

Hey oldtimer! I'm ok...Charlotte is actually 15 months tomorrow! She's a walking, talking, running around machine. She's wonderful.

I have/want to have/had every intention of posting every day, using goals, meditation, M&V, DB'ing, all I need to keep my M on track but it keeps falling by the wayside. Partly it's time (though TBH how long does it REALLY take to do one post a day? To use some goals to keep on track?) and partly I think I'm still quite stuck. After my last flurry of posting, things did get much better for a bit...I felt focused and calmer..but for the last few days, I feel like I'm hitting a wall again (or want to beat my head against one) which just continues to bum me out.

One thing I'm finding is that this phase in my life is resulting in me being mad as hell about crap that happened years and years ago...well before we rebuilt our marriage. Yes, I'm finding myself mired in thoughts about xow and the crap that h put us through. I thought I was past that resentment but it's just not so apparently. He'll do something to peeve me now and my mind reels back to so many years ago. I KNOW it's not helping my attitude (I'm taking to calling is A$$itude) and my outlook and that certainly translate into action. Also, I'm back to reacting to his mood...arrgh.

Rats, the plumber just finished fixing the toilet in the bathroom so I gotta go to work.

Anyway, I gotta dig out my "Meditations for forgiveness" CDs..I know that'll help.

Sage