Its amazing... I am starting to live...

[Delil@h]

Upside Down,,, thanks! No it does not make sense,, that is what is killing me. Also I agree that he could tell me dont get ivolved but he went to the extreme,, he did say dont get invovled, he also told me I am getting older by the minute and I acted like a WH*RE just like she is,, and he is so embarrassed ( sp?) that I would do such a thing. That he is just trying to relax and have fun before he starts working tomorrow and oh thats right you wouldn't know about that you dont work!!!!!
I give you everything and you ruined it all,,,^&&** you several times and more cruelty also.

Then when I called back like and idiot,, oh yeah he called me that and a STUPID B*TCH too,,,, beforehand... he said " what do you want? I told you I do not care what part of this dont you get?"

I said where is the man I was talking to this morning? Oh yeah and then he proceeded to tell me to go ahead and have relations... not in those words but the vulgar ones ... with whoever I wanted cause he was done with me.

he had been drinking for most of the weekend I AND AL LDAY TODAY!!!
and I am sad about this whole thing... I dunno who he is or what happened. This is actually a pattern, when I got up now I realized. Every time things get real good and comfortable ,, he turns into this ogre and turns on me.

He said some very hurtful things..

and this morning he just joked and asked if I was sure I wasn't pregnant cause he is having cravings for certain foods.
I feel so disappointed. I feel so sad,, LIKE I dont deserve this. Oh yes and he also said ... I was the one who had to prove myself not him.... and that it is always all about me,

.... and by the way he went to a bar next door with this girls boyfriend and they were having the bartenders supposedly say oh XXXX and oh XXXX I love you and that one of them was my H girl.... to make her furiuos! So now he is mad at me ..RICH!!

I need to grow up cause he said so and I am getting older by the minute ( i look ten years younger BTW, not my opinion, I hear it alot) so he feels sorry for me!

BUT had I been doing this just to get a laugh.... and I am the immature one?

This is far too much.. now that I got up and cant sleep I am actually angry at him for treating me this way.. I still feel ugly, and sad etc,etc,etc. BUT I am also very angry that he did this and wants to throw this away. I just dont get it and he told me to sell all the stuff he bought me too that I am a spoiled &&**(). He bought me a coach purse and sunglasses last year.. the purse he sent me $ for pre bomb cause I had lost 21 lbs,, his choice I never asked.

... and the glasses I did ask for cause they were half off $80. He throws these things at me everytime he gets angry. But yet he will blow $200 on one nite out drinking???? HURTS ........................all I can say is boy that is a HUGE slap in the face. and yeah I should not have gotten involved but for him to treat me this way is just.. there are no words that come to mind.

I stay at home, I never go out. I help him run a crew that he has here.. I keep him up to date on the weather, I call and order materials for him and I also give him directions to job sites I even order food for him and the crew over the phone.. and I do it with love b/c I love him even when he gets angry but this is too much too hurtful!

OH YEAH and just a few days ago the pizza took forever and when I called back from the landline and had the manager on my cell and she wanted to know if the pizza had already gotten there he blew up and then called back to apologize................ uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh! I HELP HIM AS MUCH AS I CAN AND HE SAYS I DO NOTHING AND HE BUYS ME EVEYTHING!!!! OOOOOOUUUUCH!

I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND MY KIDS THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME TOO HANDLE AFTER HOW GOOD THIS WAS GOING... at least GOD loves me!
GOD BLESS....

[Delil@h]

Ali -
He's not going to throw it away over you calling him about that woman calling you. To my mind, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't even talk to the BF for Pete's sake, just spoke to your H about it.

If he wants to make a big deal about this, it's because he's LOOKING for an excuse, imho. Ignore him, ignore the behavior, go a little bit dark. It is NOT okay for him to react in this way.

Ellie

thank you for saying it is not ok,, I am crying so hard right now,, GOD bless you! No it is NOT ok. Thanks sweetie. You made me feel somewhat better. I do plan on going a little dark this was way too much for me. I just read your post,, I missed it for some reason when I signed on. venting here has helped me .. thank YOU for your kind words!... ALI

[ford]

Heyya Ali

you gotta know. this is him, not you.

HE is ABUSIVE, not you.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

[Delil@h]

THanks ford.. you are a doll. I hope tomorrow is too...
God bless, Ali

[Delil@h]

well sleep eludes me.... and he called this am like nothing..and asked @ the weather. I already had it open knowing he'd call only for that not to say he is sorry.

I then called him back telling him I was going to change the number at 9 am. And hs asks what is that supposed to mean?
>???????????????????????????????????????????????????<
((after hanging up I realized maybe he thought I meant it was cause of him?)) he did ask it rather defensively but me not thinking like that 'til we hung up I was confused~ ))
I told him " I do not want her calling me..~" " I could not sleep last nite~"
and he stayed quiet said OK~ and stayed quiet. I said.." I will watch the weather for you and let you know later if rain is headed your way..." he said "Thanks~ "he stayed quiet and he said "well I will call you later I am going to take a shower~"

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I dunno is there a possibilty he is nuts? I love him but he is acting strange.... and yesterday he was too cruel for words~
May God bless him , I will continue to pray for him,, LORD knows he needs it.
Thanks you all for being there for me this place once again keeps me sane!~ I feel exhausted today ,it even hurts to walk~ not good. I will be taking it real easy today and resting and when I get energy I will get busy!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL....

[Heartbroken]

Someone - YOU - gave me this advice just last week!!!!

FOCUS ON YOU, FOCUS ON SAVING YOURSELF AND IF YOU SAVE THE M IN THE PROCESS .....THAT IS THE ICING ON THE CAKE ....IF NOT WELL AT LEAST YOU WILl HAVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE STRONG!

Please stop the worrying and beating yourself up - MLC'ers don't care for the clingy and needy it just pushes them further away.

Please get back that PMA you are telling me about! You are in my thoughts today and I am sending you many many ((((((HUGS))))))!!!

HB

[COG]

Ali,

Sorry you're going through this right now. Rest assured, he will regret all those hurtfull things he said to you. It sounds to me like you are dealing with an alchohol problem here. That just compounds and complicates things. It also means you have to be extra vigilant to not allow him to hurt you. Pick the right time, when he's sober, and give HIM some sobering news.

It is not OK for him to speak to you the way he did, under any circumstances. This will take great courage on your part, but you are the one standing on fertile soil, don't forget that.

Don't beat yourself up over calling your GF's BF. You should stand your ground. Why is it OK for your H to talk with that crazy woman, his workmates GF, but it's not OK for you to talk to your GFs BF. That is very unfair. You should'nt allow him to control you that way. Just stand your ground, tell him that you'll talk to whomever you feel like, when you feel like it.

Regarding the sex, him calling you a nympho. Just matter of fact tell him, yes, I love sex, but he'll have a lot of work to do before he'll get any from you again. He's bullying you so don't cower before him. Kick his ass!

No matter what happens, you have done the absolute best things for your R. Don't let your H's moment of weakness drag YOU down. Stand tall, fearless, and faithfull. Put on the armor of Christ, and go fight for what's right.

Love,

COG

PS I'll be sharing some GOOD news on my thread.

[Delil@h]

Thanks you all you have helped me tremendously.... and yes ( HB)MY PMA is back.... well almost full throttle, feel a litte tired~ I just talked to my girlfriend In Florida,,, the only REAL, TRUE friend I have, besides you all my cyber friends who help me soo ~so much!.... she made me feel awesome and told me to forgive him but not forget it and when he is in front of me again to tell him not to treat me this way! That it is not ok!

I thank you all for your thoughts and I had doubts about posting this POISON,, but I am real and honest and wanted for everyone to know that life isn't always beautiful and it throws some nasty curveballs....

I cant pretend.... it was so very cruel and hurtful... and I dunno how he can be this way. And yes today I am dim... ~~~~WOW~~~

I am just trying to take it easy and now my H keeps calling me and asking me how I am doing???????????????? I had a panic attack last nite and I am just shot today~

He told me to stop thinking about it and everything will be fine,,, to just relax. WTF?????????????????????????

I do believe he needs to stop drinking... he is calling me sweetie and being sweet as can be!!!!!

..... and I am being nice but dry ( I cant pretend he did not hurt me).... he asked me to say all the things she said to him and I said I do not want to talk about it ....

this is too much my nerves are shot.....

he told me it was going to be fine I just shouldn't have gotten involved,,, I said "I know that and when I spoke to you more than anything I just wanted to hear your voice and calm me down cause I was shaking when she called ... not cause I did not trust you but b/c she was calling too much and I was frustrated. I dunno how I thought I could help it is just my Nature to be a nice person even after alL she has done to me,, but I am done now , THIS WAS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY TOOOOOO MUCH FOR ME and I am tired of being nice to people and they aren't to me...."
He did not act like he did yesterday he just said he did not want me to get hurt and to take it easy today!
???????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHY couldn't he have been rational last nite?
GOD BLESS....

[Delil@h]

Stand tall, fearless, and faithfull. Put on the armor of Christ, and go fight for what's right.

THANK YOU COG....
YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO ME AND MAKE ME CRY TEARS OF JOY!!!!! You are such a beautiful Human Being,,, I am ever so thankful for you.
God bless you and yes I will stand tall.....~
Thank you so much for being you!
LOVE, ALI

[Delil@h]

HB ~ thanks for the hugs I really needed them. Thanks for being a friend. GOD bless you sweetie,, you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. LOVE, Ali