Sol, my friend, sorry to see you in such a pickle. Things really are tough for you right now and I can see you struggling with such overwhelming decisions. None of this is certainly easy.

For what its worth I think many others here have given you great insight, especially considering the further facts you have provided.

My advice....distance yourself as much as possible from this sitch. Right now, your W is a very odd place and her focus is nowhere close to being on you, your M or herself. It is what it is. No amount of wishing, hoping or pushing is going to change any of this and the more you try, the more frustrated you are going to become.

This may sound harsh, but I can see your wife playing you like a violin here. She berates you and has no respect for you, until you start to man up a bit, and then she's nice as pie. Without respect, she will continue to push you and never stick to established boundaries in your M. Point blank, you have to take control of YOUR life (not hers) and make the decisions that will best serve YOU and your D. You have to make decisions from this perspective, not from the perspective that she will not do what you want her to. I don't mean that you threaten with separation or divorce or whatever, don't talk about it, just do what you need to do (and only YOU know what you need to do).

This whole immigration thing just stinks and the fact the OM is involved is really even stranger. Its way too much drama and you, my friend, are getting dragged into it.

"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu