I am heading down to Atlanta to meet with my best friend this weekend. He wants me to take a job in Philadelphia and I told him I would come and hear him out. blech.....
Ok people, for once this is not about me and H. I have a situation regarding my cousin who is going thru a separation also. I have told you about them before but let me refresh everyone. They have been apart since October 2006, he moved out. They have 2 boys (8 & 4). Separation papers were signed a week after he left.
He has moved 2 states away for "work" and supposedly has a girlfriend. He claims it is a friendship but it is a girl he dated before they got married 14 years ago. Anyway, she told me last night that she went on a date this past Friday night. It was a real date and not a friendship date. I am having problems with this. I want to support her and believe she needs to do what she feels best but I think this is way too soon. I am wondering if she is just trying to get back at him. She has not told her kids and probably won't cuz the oldest is having a really tough time with all of this.
In my opinion, even though they signed separation papers, they are still married and both seeing other people, they are cheating on each other.
What I don't understand is she has talked about wanting him to come home, doesn't she realize this will just push him further away? I don't know how to respond to her when she talks about it. I told her that I was glad she had a good time but that I could never do it. I have thought about it many times but I know deep down I can't do it. I am married, maybe not happily, but I am still married.
A part of me wants to tell her she is playing with fire and that it will catch up with her. Another part of me is saying stay out of it because it isn't my business.
Hey, the good news is that it has taken my mind off my own problems.
Sorry for ranting here but I just needed to get it off my chest and I knew you all would help me thru this.
On a different note, H was talking to the girls last night about how they better have their rooms clean before we go to the beach. He said when he comes over to stay it better be clean. This shows me that he doesn't mind staying over. He is talking about it anyway.
Well, today the sun is shining and I am going to make sure nothing puts a black cloud over me. I am in a good mood and I am planning on staying that way.
Hey All I am going to say about your Cousin is share your feelings and thoughts with her. Tell how you feel and your thoughts on the sitch. She is going to do what she wants to do and you can not stop her. At least you can have a clear mind by speaking the way you feel to her. I really do not think any of us can tell you anything you do not already know. Hell, you have been at this long enough and you continue to amaze a lot of us (especially me) on here with your strength. It is your time to share that strength with your Cousin.
However, a lot of people think because they sign seperation papers that is the same thing as a D. Never truly even understood the seperation Idea. Either you want to be married or you want to be D'ed. Why go through the hassel of paying someone to help you with a seperation when you can act like adults and seperat on your own if that is what you need to do to end up in the place you need to be.
Either way just share your feeling in a way that is not negative. Let her understand the other side of the fence as well as the consequences that could come from her actions in regards to herself and the kids.
Sorry that I am not much of a help on this one sister.
By the way. I can get to my e-mail today...
Later, Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Thanks Ben. I sorta knew no one would have the answers for me but just getting them off my chest helped me a lot.
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Hell, you have been at this long enough and you continue to amaze a lot of us (especially me) on here with your strength.
You all are what gives me my strength. If it weren't for the people I have met on here, I would probably have given up long ago.
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It is your time to share that strength with your Cousin.
I try. She calls and asks me how I handle certain things and how I cope with it all. I have been honest with her about everything I have gone thru. We both end up crying but that helps too.
All you can really do is be there for her to help her through this. I agree that it is too early but who am I to talk.... Who knows though maybe she is just going through a phase or something.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
