ALL of my weak moments, except for one with my wife during the first few days immediately after confrontation that has never been repeated, have come either alone, with NOP, or with my parents or my siblings. God has graced me with unbelievable strength, calmness, and steadfastness in the convos and key moments with my wife, adult children, and the other adults of the exposure, and for that I am thankful and amazed.
My calm in front of my wife, even during yesterday's vile, screaming onslaught (which contained the first "I'm not in love with you anymore" that she has ever admitted), has been almost surreal. SO not me, but yet SO needed in this process, and again I'm grateful to God for giving me that inner peace and resolve that only comes from knowing that you are absolutely doing the right thing, and I'm grateful to NOP who has mentally and emotionally prepared me for every single step that's happened so far (in fact, he's predicted almost all of them ahead of time.)
It's been nothing short of amazing to me how this all follows a pretty predictable "script." Stunning.
Your analogy of the crack addict is apt. The more I study about addictive bahaviors, and the more I think back on my mom's own alcholism, the more this all makes sense. I've studied about brain chemicals that happen during affairs, and during infatuation, and the same chemicals that would make an otherwise smart, rational adult woman WEAR FREAKING DIAPERS as she drove cross-country to "save her man" are making the fetching Mrs. Choc. do some incredibly stupid, and incredibly destructive things to herself, to her husband, and to her family right now.
I believe that when a loved one is addicted, you intervene, and so I've followed intervention strategies and tactics. I understand that's not for everyone, but when you add the context that most of my marriage problems have been caused by an almost dysfunctional LACK of confrontation, I believe it makes the most sense in my situation.
I do not know if it will work. I absolutely know I have no chance if I DON'T do it.
Not to worry, I am back on the wagon and doing the hard work since I "lost the hate" two nights ago. (or was it 3?? The days and nights so run together these days). Funny thing about the board is (and I'm not picking on everyone -- just an observation), everyone says "vent here -- with us," and yet when you do, everyone thinks you've given up and lost all hope. LOL. But re-reading my posts of the other night, yeah, I was pretty despondent and defeated.
God (and NOP) is equipping me EACH DAY with the strength, and the tools, that I need to handle THAT DAY. That's about all I can do right now. This is going to be a long process. Last night my wife went to stay at D20/D18's condo, and told me "she couldn't stand to look at me." Understandable, considering the exposure that took place yesterday. I was loving and calm in the face of her onslaught and her accusations, and just kept telling her "I am fighting to try and save our marriage," and "I'm trying to keep what's left of our family intact."
So much work to be done . . .
Well we made a promise, We swore we'd always remember, No retreat, baby, no surrender . . .
